10 - Finished Off

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Chapter 10

Weeks Later

Your POV

I'd never though that I'd walk out of the courthouse with a divorce certificate, let alone divorce a guy I'm still in love with.

I walked to my car, just sitting there. Looking at the papers in my hands, I can't believe I just signed this. I ended my marriage with Logan. Tears began to form in my eyes, I curled my lips, trying to hold them back. But if was no use, tears rolled down my face.

I placed my elbows against the steering wheel, my hands on my face, looking down at the papers on my lap. I glanced up, seeing Logan walking down the steps, hands in pockets, head looking down.

What killed me most is that neither of us wanted this to happen, well to him it seemed that I didn't love him, but I do. My parents traditional as they were, prohibited that we separate, but seeing my pretend 'hurt', 'unsatisfactory' life, they supported me.

Emma being my best friend I loved her, as Katie and Leslie, but telling them my true feelings, or intentions would throw this whole plot off. That's why Natalie was the only one who knew what truly happened. She knew I didn't want to leave him, she knew I still loved him.

I drove home, as I entered my home, silence creeped up. Sending a shivering feeling up my spine, my fists curling in anger, frustration, and sadness. I walked to the kitchen, seeing the white envelope laying on the countertop. Emma and Kendall's wedding invitation.

My phone rang, I took it out from my back pocket. It was my big sister Natalie. "Hello?"

"Hey baby sis, how you holding up?" she asked.

"What do you think? I'm miserable, unhappy. I hate myself, I literally want to die." I replied.

"Why do you say that? You have a wonderful life, you have two amazing little kids that need you at your best, you have a home, a job that you love..."

"And what good does it do me if I can't share it with the one I love?" I interrupted her.

"You're just upset right now, but you have a whole life ahead of you. I don't know, maybe you'll meet a new guy?" she suggested, I scoffed.

"Natalie, you must be high. There's no way I'll meet a new guy, do you honestly think I could... I mean... I just... No!" I babbled.

"Well give it some time, sometimes shit has to happen so good come afterwards." she said trying to cheer me up.

"Well how about you? How's your love life?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"Okay, there's not much to say." she said glumly.

"Nat, what's going on, you seem kinda down?"

"Well I haven't heard from Carlos, he seems distant. I don't know, I feel like he's trying to avoid me. Maybe I'm just paranoid." she huffed.

"You're stupid, you know he's busy. With the new CD, filming. There's just so many things, but he loves you, you know that." I said in defense for Carlos. I knew he loved my sister, so I knew he'd go to the end for the world for her. Just as James would for Leslie.

"Well yeah, I guess. So how are the kids?" she asked once more changing the subject.

"They're fine, Mia more mature about this than I thought. Ryan's just getting bigger and bigger. Right now they're with James and Kendall, they're babysitting, meanwhile. Well, you know." I replied.

"How many months is Ryan again?"

"He's going to be four months. Mia's turning eight soon." I replied.

"Yeah, well get I gotta go. I was out doing some grocery shopping. Now I'm heading home, and you know." she cut off.

"Yeah, mom and dad are going to ask questions." I finished for her. "Kay, well bye. Love you."

"Love you too baby sis, take care." she said and hung up.

I put my phone back into my pocket, taking out a glass from the cupboards, filling it with water. I took small sips from it until I tasted sourness in my mouth. I quickly bolted to the bathroom, regurgitating my breakfast. It was no use, I spilled everything into the toilet.

I flushed, quickly brushing my teeth since the doorbell rang. It must've been James and Kendall, with Ryan and Mia. I opened the door, seeing my prediction to be correct. The guys came in, quickly getting into conversation, on how Mia was a great older sister, and Ryan was a squirmy one.

"Jackie, you look kinda pale. Are you okay?" James asked, I nodded, sighing inwardly.

"Yeah, just stressed from... from everything." I replied.

"So, I hope you can make it to the wedding. I'll see you then." Kendall said. I smiled, nodding once more before leaving.

I walked upstairs, Ryan in arms kissing his chubby cheeks. I noticed that Ryan had Logan's scent penetrated onto him. Making me hug Ryan closer to me.

"So how was your day Mia?" I asked as we took Ryan in for a diaper change.

"Fun, I had lots of fun with the boys, I watched tv, ate pizza, ice cream, orange soda pop, chocolate chip cookies..."

"Whoa, who gave you all that?" I interrupted her, she looked at me with wide eyes, signaling that she was busted.

"James. It's because Kendall always wants to stuff me with his holy crap shit." she replied.

"Watch your mouth." I said, throwing the soiled diaper into the trash bin.

"What?" she asked confused.

"Well don't say 'shit' it's a bad word." I said.

"Well James was like 'dude, are you really going to give her that holy crap shit?' And Kendall was like 'well what else should I give her.' So then James gave me all that good food." she answered me. I blinked a lot, taking in her reply.

"Kay well remind me to not leave you with James, or unless he promises not to swear in front of you." I said, she nodded going out of Ryan's room and into hers.

I bent down, playing with Ryan pretending I was biting his tummy. He was laughing uncontrollably, his tiny fingers going into his small mouth. I picked him up, cradling him, causing him to fall asleep. I set him down in his crib, walking into mine. My head began pounded, and my stomach turning.

What the hell was going on today?

I laid down, resting a bit, flipping through channels, until I stopped on TMZ. What was on it?

'Trouble in Paradise. Newlyweds now Divorced. Jackie &Logan'

I hate my life.

I turned off the tv, seeing how a bunch of bullshit was being said, such as I cheated on Logan. I got up once more, not being able to find my comfort zone, at all. I decided to go online, and browse for a dress for the wedding.

I settled for a lavender one shoulder dress, rhinestones covered bosom, the dress floor length. I quickly ordered it, seeing it would arrive days before the wedding.

I logged off, and headed downstairs to prepare something to eat. I saw a cab pull up, in front of my house. I opened the curtain slightly to see who it was. My mouth fell open as I ran to the door and walked out, hugging the person. "Hello love."

His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me close to him. My hands snaked around his neck, I couldn't believe he was here.

"Miss me?" he asked pulling back, looking into my eyes.

"You have no idea." I replied, hugging him tightly again, before going back inside.

~~~~~

It's been a long time, hope you guys enjoy!

Who could it be? Props (dedication) for the person who guesses who 'he' is.

What could puking, and headaches symptoms be caused from? Hmm...

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