Hold my heart, it's beating for you anyway

Chapter 43

I've been in here a week now. I have been diagnosed with post natal depression. I'm being force fed a cocktail of pills that I'm not convinced are working and I haven't been able to find the will to speak or eat. My parents have been caring for Anwen and visiting every day. No one else has been. I sleep a lot but my dreams are the nightmare of seeing him kissing her. I am a bundle of stress and unhappiness.
I am at least allowed to get up now if I want. I pull on my dressing gown and slippers and tell the nurses I'm going to the cafe by motioning drinking. They nod. I'm going outside for a cigarette. I begged my mum to get me some and she did. I know I shouldn't but I am past caring. I pull up the hood on my dressing gown and sit on a bench in the grounds. I've been there a few minutes when I hear a familiar voice. Tony? I peak around the side of my hood and it is him. I look away quickly and burst out crying. He is with Elizabeth. I assume my parents have contacted her and she contacted Tony. I don't think they've seen me so if I stay out here a while longer I should miss them. I take a sip of the coffee I bought from the cafe and light another cigarette. I close my eyes and wish I was somewhere else. I jump as I feel the bench give as someone sits down. I know it's Tony. I don't have to look. I keep my eyes closed.
"I know you won't want to believe me but he is sorry. He is an idiot, I know. But he does love you." I shake my head.
"Why?" I mouth. It's the closest I've come to talking in days and I don't trust my voice not to crack. Tony doesn't answer. Maybe there's no answer. I stand up and walk towards the hospital building, lighting another cigarette as I go. I can barely walk I'm so weak and before I know it the earth is rushing up towards me. I can't stop myself from falling and smash my face in the path. I vaguely feel myself being picked up and carried off.

I wake up in my hospital bed, a throbbing in my head and face. Great. I can't open one eye so I look towards the person I can feel holding my hand and see him.
I snatch my hand out of his grasp, push myself out of the bed and stumble towards the door. Jaime picks me up and carries me back to the bed before I can fall again. I turn away from him, tears of pain and sorrow and spilling out of me. I feel his hand as he attempts to make me turn towards him but I shrug him off, anger now rushing through me.
"Leave me alone" I scream, my voice cracking. I see him flinch. Good.
"Did I hurt your feelings Jaime? You didn't seem to mind hurting mine when you stuck your tongue down that tarts throat. Leave. Now. I don't want you here because you've hurt me more than you can ever imagine. What happened to 'I'll love you for all eternity' and 'I want to have hundreds of babies with you'? It was your idea and then you cheated on me because I got pregnant. I gave you everything I had - my love and my trust and you killed it. You might as well have killed me because I feel dead now." I see he's gone deathly pale but do you know what? In my opinion he deserves it.