Hold my heart, it's beating for you anyway

chapter 4

Carol asks the two men if they want anything. They both nod. I take some of my vegetable soup out of the freezer - I wasn't leaving it behind! I pop it into a pan and start gently heating it through. It smells amazing so I'm hoping they'll like it. I get it thoroughly heated and spoon it into 3 bowls. I set the table and tell them it's ready before going back into the kitchen and starting to clean up in there. I switch the kettle on for a coffee and wipe away the tears that have formed.

I'm gazing out of the window down the garden when a sound behind me startles me. I jump and spin around to see Tony.

"That was delicious. Thank you" he says, smiling weakly.

"My pleasure" I mumble. I go and collect the dishes and start washing up, humming to myself. I usually have my iPod blasting away when I do housework. Well, I did. That was another thing I sold. So now I hum. It beats the silence.

I tidy away the clean dishes and decide to go outside for a cigarette. It's the only bad habit I have. Except for bottling up my feelings and thoughts. That's another bad habit I have to quit.

I roll myself a smoke and sit down on the lawn outside to smoke it. I hear the patio door go and turn my head to see Carol.

"Are you ok?" she asks, concern in her voice. I nod weakly. She looks at me and tells me to ring her anytime I need a chat. I smile at her, promising I will when in reality I probably won't. I've become an expert in bottling up my feelings. Carol tells me there's a list of Tony's medication in the kitchen with the times he has to take them. She's trusting me with that incase he falls asleep she tells me. I nod and after stubbing out my cigarette, I go back inside. I check on Scarlett and see Carol has put her on the lounge carpet to play. Tony is watching tv and his mum and the shouty man have gone.

"Mr Perry, who was that man?" I ask, looking at the floor.

"Vic? He's my bandmate." I nod. I didn't know he was in a band.

"And Cate, please call me Tony. Mr Perry is a bit formal" he adds, smiling. I nod again and ask if he needs anything. Scarlett is happily babbling away on the floor so I go to get the dirty washing. I collect it and load up the washer. Then I check the kitchen to see what food there is. I make a list of foods and drinks and go to show it to Tony. There isn't much in due to him having been in the hospital. He nods and suggests a few more things so I change Scarlett's nappy and put her in her pram before heading to the shops. Tony offers me his car but I'd rather walk. It's too nice out there to be stuck in a car.