Hold my heart, it's beating for you anyway

Chapter 42

I'm in the hospital, wires and monitors bleeping away, contractions ripping through me. My waters broke a while ago and the doctors are telling me I'm getting close. My mum hasn't left my side. Maybe now she's trying to make up for lost time. I don't know but I'm glad she's with me and I'm not doing this alone. Although I shouldn't be doing this at all. Not yet. I'm worried sick and I know it's all the stress of the last couple of days that's caused this.
"Cate, you need to push now" the doctor urges. I look at my mum and she nods. I grit my teeth and push. Again and again but nothing.
"The baby is stuck. Get her prepped for an emergency c-section now" I hear as I sob.

I wake up in a darkened room. The pain is unreal. I feel like I've been sliced in two. The monitor I'm attached to starts beeping faster and a nurse comes running in, flicking on the light as she does. I wince at the light and feel sick. She pumps the pedal that raises the bed so I'm sitting up slightly and checks my vital signs. She asks me if I want a drink and passes me a glass of water after I nod. My mum comes in after the nurse tells her she can and takes my hand in hers.
"He left you, didn't he" she states. I shake my head. He didn't in the sense she means. I know she's talking about Owen, not Jaime, as I haven't mentioned him.
"He died mum" I whisper, too weak to talk.
"Oh darling, when?"
"Before Anwen was born" I say, weakly. I don't want to talk about this now but she needs to know.
"Who's this babies father then?"
"Jaime" I manage before blacking out.

Next time I wake up, daylight peeks through the blinds at the window. How long have I been out of it? And is the baby ok? I don't even know if I've had a girl or boy. I press the buzzer at the side of my bed for a nurse and within minutes one comes in.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" she asks, smiling at me.
I start crying which answers her question without me speaking.
"Hey. Come on now. Everything will be ok. Shall I get your mum?" I nod weakly. She returns pretty quickly with my mum, who is carrying Anwen. I hold out my arms for my daughter.
"You've been out of it for 3 days" my mum says, clutching my hand. I look at her with pleading eyes.
"You have a son. He's a bit small and in an incubator but doing very well. I'll ask them to bring him in for you."
The nurses get him and all the equipment to make him better and I gasp as I look at a miniature version of Jaime. I close my eyes and weep. His daddy broke my heart and now I have to look at him every day and be reminded of him. I don't know if I can do this.