Uncertainty

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Tears kept flowed down my face uncontrolably and I knew my face wasn't a good sight at the moment, why? Why?! I cried out in my heart.

Warm hands were wrapped around mine but I only lowered and looked up to find his frowned gaze. But once could still easily find the worry in his eyes too. Despite his anger and disappoinment King was worried for my state.

"Come on, get up off the floor," he asked and tried to keep my body against his. He was trying to keep me from falling down.

I shook my head in denial and wanted to sink further. Only if this earth open up and engulf me it would have put end onto my every problem. I wanted nothing more than that.

"No..." I managed almost in a whisper. "Leave me here, I deserve this, Kalil. I belong to be on the ground."

The sobs only grew louder and louder in my mouth, and I too wasn't trying to keep them. Kalil got on the floor as I collapsed more. He took me in his arms and wrapped me to him. His chest rises and fell in agitation while his hands only grew tightened around me.

I knew it was torment for him and the essence of my crime was making him keep his grace.

"Please! Make me pay with my life for everything I've done. Do it, Kalil. I don't deserve anything. I do not deserve it your mercy!"

"Enough Saravi!, Please! Stay quiet!" He ordered holding me even closer.

For a few minutes, I let myself lost in his arms and held him closer. I let myself enjoy this heaven I knew I don't deserve now. And, though I was lost in that refuge the reality was so harsh and crude that the moment I recalled how my actions took me here I detached myself from him. I tried to wipe my tears but my throat was still in immense exhaustion. And, the momento I looked in his eyes. I find him confused. He couldn't get my gesture when I got up immediately. He followed my gesture too.

"I ask you for my..." I took a breath recalling how my mother has committed an unforgivable sin. But right now I knew I can't talk about it. "I ask you for my parents, and for Nadia, my lady. I don't know where is she?" I pressed my lips at the sadness that overwhelms me for not having her with me. "None of them should pay for my guilt..."

I trailed off finding his silence. He didn't utter a words and only evident worry was etched on his face as he clenced his jaw harder.

"I just want to ask you one last question?" I cut my distance short without me knowing.

"What?" He uttered,

"Mishaal Rezhac? Is he the same man who hurt Hanna?" I asked.

His eyes widen as if he didn't expect me to have such information.

"Yes,"

Although he had already gave the information, I needed to verify it, I needed him to finish destroying the little trust that he had in me. Because I needed to verify this little thorn.

"Do you think he planned all of this knowing that I would be your wife?" My voice comes out more insecure than usual.

"It may be...but I will tell you that..." he inhaled thinking whether or not to say what he was going to say, "Because of his actions and some facts that we have seen, he may have...Interest in you. His words in the anonymous notes were very personal."

"Yes, I remember," I replied trying to sound calmer. "I no longer want him to see me weak. I'm ready."

"What?"