Uncertainty

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Saravi.

The tenion in my shoulders was unbearable. I was sitting so straight and with one single gaze. "Kalil's hand rests in mine," while a private conversation about Angkor takes place at the table.

Although it has only been minutes since I entered the living room from the garden to eat, it seemed like long hours, and although Kalil tried to reassure me with his words and his sweet touch; I still feel enormous despair in my chest, along with the immense ones of taking it and telling him right now what is happening. This added to the desire to hug him and ask him to forgive me, to question his good judgment and so that after everything I must confess, he may not command for any such harsh sentence to me and my family. All this for betraying our nation, for betraying the crown and for betraying myself.

Then I remember Hanna's words.

Impotence fills my entire body, the rapid beat makes my chest rise and fall without having the slightest control. Kalil watches me from time to time with a frown, questioning, wondering why my cold and sweaty hands and why I tremble in them.

"The day after tomorrow we could go if the queen is ready; It would be a great joy for the people," Fais's voice takes me back to dinner, since his words have been addressed to me.

A forced, almost imperceptible smile is generated by me towards him, nodding slowly. But the silence of everyone watching and waiting if I will say an answer forces me to get involved quickly.

"My King," I say, looking at Kalil. "The viscount has suggested an excellent idea in this time of injury to our country. We will go to the villages and different parts of the town for days, that will reassure people and give them a little more confidence."

Kalil smiles pleased at my words, taking my hand to bring it to his lips, kissing me.

"I think it's a good idea!" He says as I turn towards the table and meet Alinna's penetrating gaze.

My smile was completely erased.

I slide my gaze to Hanna's post, who smiles at me encouraging me to keep my composure and not pay any attention to the fact.

"How do you feel?" I say again addressing the Marras couple.

"Great!" Ainara answers. "I had a long time without coming to the palace, you know the children occupy all the time."

Heartfelt laughter spreads on the uncomfortable table. But peace of course was not for a long time.

"We are waiting to see the Queen in those mother occupations too!" Umar interrupts, making me uncomfortable again.

It was not that I was terrified by the idea, the situation was more complex than that, since it only had been a month with the King, apart from that we only had one opportunity to be together intimately, and together with all the other disasters I think that I won't be here long.

"Everything has its time, father! However, the moment it happens I know that Saravi will be an excellent mother."

Kalil's words clench my throat ruthlessly. My gaze was focused on his sincere smile, on the way he also looks at me, on his way of bringing good to everything. I know it is ambiguous just thinking about it, but I wish I could go back in time and start again. Because in no way would I have wasted giving a chance to what I'm feeling for this man.

"It certainly will be!" Ainara answers happily, while the torrent of comments begins to subsist at the table along with the laughter of those present.