No one has to know

Chapter 38

"Catherine there you are. I went to your room to check on you but..." said Mary as Catherine re-entered the castle. Bash ran in after her.

"Catherine! Catherine wait! Please. I know I was wrong, but please give me a chance to..." he reached for her again and again she pulled back.

"There's nothing to say. You can't undo what you did. Do you have any idea..." she tried to hold back her emotions.

"Catherine. I wish..."

"Wishes mean nothing." she turned to storm off but stopped short when she got a sharp pain.

"Catherine!" he rushed to her, but even in the state she was in she pushed him away.

"Don't." she said. Mary reached for her, but she was being stubborn and she tried to continue down the hall alone. Another sharp pain hit and she leaned against the wall to keep from dropping. Mary and Bash ran over to her as she groaned. Mary put her arm out as she slid down the wall so she wouldn't hit the floor.

"We have to get you back to your room." she said. Bash leaned down to pick her up.

"No. I don't need you." she hissed at him as she passed out.

"Oh, God." Bash said as he picked her up. "Please be okay." he turned to Mary. "Call the physician." he added as he rushed her to her room. Mary nodded and took off in the other direction.

Bash entered her room and put her down on the bed. He started smoothing her hair back.

"Please wake up." he begged. He kissed her hand and then Mary and the physician burst in the door and he got out of the way to let him through. He stood there for a moment, but he couldn't watch. He felt like he was going to be sick. This was all his fault. 

Mary had been in Catherine's room with her and the physician for quite sometime. Bash was pacing outside the door, waiting for news when Greer showed up.

"Do you know anything yet?" she asked.

"No. Nothing. They have been in there forever." he said, still pacing. Finally, the physician emerged from the room. Bash looked at him expectantly.

"She's alright, for now. She's going to need to stay in bed for a few days. This spell has taken quite a toll on her. She's a bit weak." he said.

"Thank you." He said and then entered the room. Mary got up from sitting on the bed and left when she saw it was him. She put a hand on his shoulder for a second when she passed him in the doorway. He stood there for a moment, until she turned her head to look at him. He walked towards her slowly.

"God, I was so worried." he said kneeling down next to the bed. He reached over and took her hand.

"Please don't." she said, but didn't have the energy to pull her hand away this time.

"You have no idea how sorry I am. I should have trusted you. This is all my fault. I know that. Your here because of me and I will never forgive myself for it. If something had happened to you..." he reached to touch her face but she turned her head. A tear rolled down her cheek. "Catherine don't do this. I made a mistake. Don't make me pay for it forever. Don't make our child pay for it, or yourself. Please. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make this right, if you'll let me." she was silent. "At least tell me there's a chance for us."

"You can't trust me." she said.

"I can. I do." he said.

"I mean you shouldn't. It hurt even more because you had every right not to trust me. I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at myself. I've done so many awful things, how could you ever really trust me?"

"No. No I should have believed you. Those things are in your past, and you've never lied to me. Don't you dare blame yourself. I should've at least looked into it before taking off like that. I was wrong. I acted all wrong. I need you. Please..." he reached for her cheek again. This time she didn't pull away. Instead she leaned into his touch.

"I need you too." she choked out. He knew that was her way of forgiving him. Now he was crying a bit too and he took her face in both hands and kissed her forehead. She nestled her face into the crook of his neck as he held her close.

"I''m so sorry. I love you so much." he said, his face pressed to the top her head. Just then, Mary came back in. She stopped in the doorway and cleared her throat.

"Does this mean the wedding is back on?" she asked tentatively. Bash pulled back to look at Catherine, hope filled his eyes. She looked at him a moment and then turned to look at Mary and nodded. Mary smiled.

"Oh, thank god...I'll leave you be then..." she started to leave and turned back around. "Oh, And, No one tell Francis you actually left. No need to make matters worse." she added and then left.

"I'm going to need time to..." she started.

"I know. I know. I understand. It's okay. We will be okay...I couldv'e lost you. In more ways than one."

"You still could."

"Catherine..."

"Let's be realistic Bash. Look at where we are. You have to start excepting it as a possibility."

"I can't do that. I can't. I won't. I know you'll be okay. I know it in my heart."

"But what about your head? Do you know it there too?"

Bash couldn't answer. He knew she was right, but he couldn't admit it. He knew if he said it, it would make it all too real.

"You need to rest now." was all he could say. He kissed her lightly and stood, still holding her hand. "I'll be back first thing in the morning."

"Bash."

"I love you."

She knew it wasn't the time.

"I love you too. I do."

He slowly let go of her hand and turned to go. She couldn't see his face but she was almost sure she heard him trying to hold back tears.