Le Penchant

41| a mess

My heart was pounding. I could barely breath, halos lahat ng daraanan ko nabunggo ko na't lahat-lahat. I didn't care.

All I knew is that I want to get out of here.

It almost felt like I was suffocating, I couldn't think straight.. wala na akong maisip pang iba kung 'di, bakit.. putangina, bakit?

I didn't want to believe it.

I don't want to.

That's Calixto! Punyeta.. Calixto ko 'yun 'e.

Akin 'yon 'e.

Pero bakit gano'n? Hindi siya 'yon 'e.. hindi.. hindi niya magagawa 'yon 'e.. Kilala ko 'yon 'e, hindi puwedeng.. hindi puwede.

Imposible.. Tangina, imposible!

Hingal na akong nakarating sa sasakyan, I might've looked crazy but I had the audacity to laugh bitterly while I cried loudly outside that fancy shit-like restaurant. I wanted to break everything I could see, I wanted to break the car I'll be driving, for fuck's sake! Kotse 'to ni Calixto!

My lips quivered as I went inside the vehicle, I sobbed as I continued to hit the steering wheel. Halos iuntog ko na rin ang sarili ko sa manibela. Wala akong naging pakiealam kahit pakiramdam ko ay nagsusugat na 'yung kamay ko dahil sa lakas ng paghahampas ko rito.

I screamed in distress as I repeatedly hurt myself against the steering wheel.

Grabe ka mangtrip tadhana! Ang gago-gago mo! Masaya naman kami ha? Bakit kailangan mong sirain 'yon! Asa'n ako nagkamali? Bakit kailangan niyang gawin sa'kin 'to? Hindi ko 'to inakala.. kingina, pa'no ko aakalain kung wala namang naging problema sa'min!? I didn't see any of this coming.. so, was it all fake? Pupuwede namang hindi 'di ba? There.. there should be a fucking explanation-- fuck! Hershey!

I whimpered loudly as my tears continued to blur my sight.

Kitang-kita kung papaano mo nahuling hinahalikan siya nung babae! Katangahan nalang ang tanging magpapairal sa'yo kung iisipin mong hindi siya naggago!

No.. no.. tangina, but that's my Calixto.

He'd never do that.. right?

I sucked in a breath as I lifted my head up, my heartbeat doubled when I saw Calixto coming out of the restaurant with his phone on one hand. Hindi ko alam pero may kung anong galit ang sumiklab sa'kin kaya dali-dali kong pinaandar ang kotse at humarurot palayo roon, he could've been the greatest actor of all time for his fucking acts if it were acts and all I wanted to do now was get away.

Because God knows what I could do to him.

And I didn't want that.

Shit, I didn't want any of that.

Rage is firing up inside me, I feel it eating me whole.. a feeling I've always kept hidden because once it gets triggered, it'll be hard to tame down.

But for fuck's sake, even though I'm hurting, I still don't want to hurt him.

Because, I love him.

And I trusted him.

But he.. he.. I gasped loudly when a my car made a screeching sound, naginit ang katawan ko nang makita ko kung sino ang bumunggo sa likod ng kotse. I hit the brakes immediately when I saw the car that hit me, it was already dawn that's why it was almost a ghost town in the middle of the road.

The tip of my fingers went cold when I saw him trudging out of his car, mahigpit kong hinawakan ang manibela bago ako nagpasyang lumabas na at harapin siya.