Picture Perfect {S.M}

#26 Is there a doctor in the house?

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One week. One whole week of pure, unshielded, raw torture.

I'm failing understand what has come over me but all I know is that things are just really, really weird with me. Even more than usual.

I don't know what I should diagnose myself with, but I know that I need a doctor as soon as possible.

Symptom #1

I can't look at Shawn straight in the eye for too long. Not anymore. If I do, my legs feel all shaky and it feels like I'm walking on jell-O. Taking photo's of him has now become very difficult as it's a job that requires me to look at him a hundred percent of the time.

Symptom #2

My speech fails me more than usual and I stutter like a broken record everytime we try having a normal conversation. And him complimenting me on the small things he notices doesn't help either.

Symptom #3

And if I do talk, I end up saying the most awkward things. Just two days ago, when Shawn asked how I liked a song he played for me, I told him it sounded tubular. Tubular! TUBULAR!

Where in the world did that word jump out from? I'm such a flustered mess. Oh, talking about flustered messes...

Symptom #4

I'm more clumsy than usual, which doesn't really help me at all with proving to Shawn that I'm not a clumsy thing. Upon all my stuttering, and my awkward conversations and my weird walking and my weird need to not look at him straight in the eye, extra clumsiness didn't help the situation one bit.

Eurica! I think I might have found a diagnoses.

I'm having early signs of Bipolar!

Common sense slapped me at the back of my head after I had come to that silly conclusion, which made me reconsider my diagnosis.

I sat on my bed in three different positions till I found out what has come over me. And let me tell you now that I didn't like the most logical explanation as to why I'm so awkward lately. It hurts me to say it but...

I, Cameroon Chesterfield, have a crush on Shawn Mendes.

I cringed saying that aloud in my head. It can't be, I can't afford to have a crush on a person like him. A person that is way out of my league in any life and in any multiverse

This is one of the reasons I hate myself. My body could have chosen anyone, literally anyone, to stumble and be awkward over. But it just had to be Shawn Mendes, musician, teenage icon and my boss.

At times like these, I wish the ground would just swallow me whole.

After a few minutes of moping, I stood up, took off my hoodie and went into the bathroom.

I stared at myself in the mirror. Boyish chocolate brown hair that seriously needed a cut, olive green eyes, plain face, tiny boobs, tiny waist, tiny everything but I somehow managed to develop a huge crush on Shawn Mendes.

God must be laughing at me right now.

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As I closed the door of my apartment, my intention tonight was to go somewhere, anywhere to sit down and clear my mind of things.

Now more than ever, I wished that I was still in New Jersey. Then, I knew the perfect spots to hide out and think. But here, places to go are really limited as I'm not really familiar with surroundings.

I got into the elevator and just as the elevator door was about to close, someone quickly slipped into the elevator.

Shawn. How convenient.

"Hey Clumsy." He said, before pressing a button. "Never thought I'd see you out, where you headed?"

Seeing him here unexpectedly was a little too much for me. My emotions are all over the place and I hate that I feel that way because of him.

I folded my arms and looked down. "Just the beach. I haven't really decided where yet."

"Cool." He stated. "And Clumsy, if you're free tomorrow, maybe we could watch a movie. But you don't have to if you don't want to"

I smiled slightly though the smile felt really heavy. "I don't think I can. But thanks anyway."

"Why not? I'll let you watch whatever you want this time, even if it's some cheap horror movie."

"It's not that, it's just..." I struggled to get the right words out. "Nothing."

I decided it was best not to join him for a movie night, not when I feel like this. Maybe avoiding him till my feelings dissolve would be the best option.

"Are you alright Clumsy?"

"Yes." I lied, looking away.

"Are you sure? You've been acting strange all week, especially now."

"I'm fine." I said before sighing. I couldn't look at him straight in the eye, I just couldn't. And all this is making me deflated because we're getting to be really great friends and I'm making things really awkward right now.

"I have to be honest with you, I'm not alright." I say before the elevator reached the bottom.

"What's wrong?" He asked as we walked out the elevator.

"It's just, it's... I don't know how to explain this but we need to talk." I blurted out.

"About what?" He stopped me from going any further which caused us to stand in the middle of the lobby.

"I can't tell you right now. It's best not to, you're obviously busy anyway." I said but we could both feel that the conversation was getting more intense by each passing second.

"I'm not busy, I just want you to tell me what's wrong."

"Shawn, even if I do... I don't know how to tell you."

He looked at me, his hazel eyes heavy with worry and genuine concern piercing into my soul. I looked down, nervously shifting my feet. He then took a hold of my hand. "Come on." He led me on.

I reddened up a little but my mind was dealing with much more than his hand on mine. He led me to the hotel pool and sat me down by a pool chair by the side of the pool.

I sat comfortably and curled up, my hands wrapping my legs. I looked down at the water shinning brightly in the dark.

"You can tell me." he said.

"Shawn it's just that lately I've been..." I looked away at him, suddenly really scared to talk to him. "What did that all mean, when you nearly kissed me?"

His eyes widened at my question, his mouth agape a little. "Clumsy, I told you that my timing was off." He looked away.

"And what does that mean too? Are you telling me that you..."

"I'm telling you that you're a great girl, and if the circumstances were different I would have... kissed you gladly, but once you consented to it."

"But, the circumstances weren't different and you still did kiss me, I mean... you nearly did."

"Yes, I know. And I'm sorry."

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