Possession

Chapter Nineteen

Lunar's POV

Clarissa looked down at her shoes, fidgeting with her candy bag, "...Y-You make me sound like a desperate loser."

I let out a bit of a laugh, walking backward, "Clarissa, if I thought you were a desperate loser, I wouldn't have a title for myself now, would I?"

She jogged to catch up with me, speaking up after we got candy from another house, "Why do you do that?"

I looked at her, furrowing my eyebrows as she tilted her head towards me, eyeing me with a frown, "Do what?"

"You're always so hard on yourself. Even when you got an A on your Calculus test, you belittled yourself and got so mad just because it wasn't an A+. Why do you do it?"

"Because somebody once taught me that even if it makes you look like a sourpuss or a Depressed loser, you should always be honest. Even on how you feel about yourself. People are more likely to like you and trust you if you're honest. We live in a place where we are identified as Rats...," After we passed another house, I stared at her, stopping in my tracks. I remembered the lady from the Company when I first applied, "We are called Poor Clothes because we can't afford Rich Clothes. We are called Cockroaches because we can barely afford proper lighting and the lights die just after a week or two. We are called Rats because, on a good day, we have enough scraps to eat and when we get the chance to get money by ratting people out for death...we are known to take that chance. Three of the worst possible names to be called..."

"I got called those three names in under five minutes just because of living where I do and being how I am, but you know what I have never failed at? Being who I am. I wear Poor Clothes with pride because I was born in our town by two of the most loving parents I could ever ask for. I am a Cockroach because I'd rather hide in the dark parts of our town than transfer to the UpperClass. I am a Rat because even though there are scraps for me to eat, I'd rather starve than steal somebody's opportunity to eat," I let out a sad smile to her, knowing damn well Mr. Lincoln and Mr. Hayes were listening the entire time from their beautiful Black Cadillac. My smile grew into a warm one as I kept looking at her, "Clarissa, I wasn't mad about not getting an A+. I was mad because I got an A when I wanted at most a D or a C. I was mad because while our group of friends failed a test for something as easy as Algebra or Language Arts or even World History, I passed one of the hardest classes like it was a short story essay."

I started to laugh; it was a pained chuckle. I had never told this to anybody, never told anybody how much this shit affected me, "Clare, I never cared about passing. I cared about failing. Even when I tried to fail, and believe me, I tried, I still passed. Clarissa, I cared about that stupid A because I was the only one in our group to get higher than a C. I was mad because Even in the community of Poor Clothes, CockRoaches, and Rats... I am different. I tried to fail, and I still got an A. I tried to fail, and I still got offers from so many good colleges. All of high school I was so desperate just to get a C and I never got lower than a B+."

She looked at me, confused, "You said you never got any college applications...?"

I cackled more, almost kneeling and holding my stomach, "I never said I didn't get any, Clare. I said I didn't have any interest in them because I don't. I have no interest in going to college."

"Why not?"

My laughter stopped as I looked at her, "Because if I can't see my friends succeed and achieve their dreams, I don't want to succeed in my own. Why should I get my dreams and they shouldn't? I would rather see my friends succeed than achieve my dreams. Yes, I got scholarships. Yes, colleges wanted me. Yes, I wanted to go to college at one point, but that one point was before we all got to senior year of high school. Before each and every one of my friends got letters from their colleges and were denied."