Once Bitten, Twice Shy.

It's too much.

We sat there for what seemed like forever then Autumn came out of Emma’s room “You can go in and see her if you want to…” She said Justin and I slowly stood up Autumn looked at me “You can hold her she’s wrapped in a blanket.” She said

We slowly walked into the room she was laying there lifeless in the bed I stopped “I can’t do this.” I said I quickly ran out of the room to the bathroom where I threw up for the second time today. This can’t be happening I didn’t lose my baby it’s just not fair… I cried to myself for a while before I decided it wasn’t fair to leave Justin in there to deal with this alone. But that’s what I do I run it’s easier for me to go through things by myself.

I composed myself and walked out of the bathroom everyone watched me as I walked back into the room Justin was sitting in a rocking chair holding her “She looks so peaceful.” He said rubbing her face with his hand.

The door opened Pattie and Carl walked in Pattie walked over and hugged me “I’m so sorry Aaliyah!” She said we both cried then she walked over to Justin. He looked up at her and tears filled his eyes “It’s not fair mom!” He said letting his emotions take over for the first time. Pattie grabbed Emma from Justin’s hands and laid her in the crib before embracing Justin.

He grabbed her tightly and cried “Why did this happen, mom?” He asked “I’m so sorry sweetie.” She said

Carl walked over to me “Do you care if I go pray for her life in heaven?” He asked “We would love that.” I said Carl walked over and bowed his head we followed as he started a prayer

“Trusting in Jesus, the loving Saviour who gathered children into his arms and blessed them. We now commend our children to that same embrace of love, in the hope that they will rejoice and be happy in the presence of Christ. May the Angels and Saints lead them to the place of light and peace where one day we will be brought together again. Tender Shepherd of the flock, the children whom we remember today now lie cradled in your love. Soothe the hearts of their parents and families and bring peace to their lives. Give them strength and courage to face the future. Amen.” He said “Amen.” We said

Autumn came in “I’m really sorry but I have to take her soon.” She said “Wait I haven’t held her yet.” I said “Okay a couple more minutes.” She said closing the door behind her I walked over I felt a hand on my waist “It’s okay if you don’t want to.” Justin said “I need to.” I said reaching for her.

I picked her up and held her she laid there Justin was right she did look peaceful. I sat down in the chair with her my tears began to fall as I held her tightly against me Justin wrapped his arms around us and kissed my head then he placed a kiss on her head “Jesus will take care of you now baby girl no more suffering.” He said

Autumn walked in “Aaliyah I have to take her now.” She said walking over to me and gently removing Emma from my arms we’re going to put her in a freezer until the arrangements are made for the funeral.” She said “Okay. We’ll start planning that tomorrow” Justin said I stayed in the chair not saying a word as Autumn took Emma out of the room “Are you okay?” Justin asked “No…” I said breaking down “Let’s get out of here you need some rest before tomorrow.” He said

I nodded slowly standing up I acknowledged no one as we walked out of the hospital people were yelling and lights were flashing but I said nothing. I got in the car  Justin, Pattie, Khalil and Kendall followed. The car began to move I stared out the window “Mom will you come with us tomorrow and help us arrange everything?” Justin asked Pattie “Sure sweetie anything.” She said “If you guys don’t mind I think Aaliyah and I should be alone tonight.” Justin said grabbing my hand I looked over at him and tried my best to keep the tears inside.