Once Bitten, Twice Shy.

I'm Struggling

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Months have passed Justin has been at the studio and around town he went to Coachella, and back and forth from here, Canada and Washington, he also spent some time with Ryan in Turks and Caicos he is just enjoying some time to himself... minus the fans and paparazzi bombarding him, The new nanny has been working great it's definitely a weight off my shoulder knowing I can count on her. We celebrated Addy's 3rd birthday in March and in May we spent some time in Canada for Axton's 1st birthday, we had a low key party for him just close friends and family he ate the cake, got grumpy, and took a nap... being a one year old is rough.

Sam is getting a little belly, Lilly is so excited every time we see her that's all she talks about. I've been doing some modeling jobs just to get myself back in the business I'm ready for a change, I am ready to explore new opportunities I have a magazine shoot booked in Paris in a few months I really want to break into the fashion scene a little more. So I've been working really hard with a model coach to work on my runway walk and other things I need to work on... this business is no joke.

I was sitting on the couch feeding Axton my phone rang it was Hailey "Hello" I answered "Hi... please tell me you're coming to Vous conference in Miami?" She said "Yes we're going." I said "Justin's going?" She asked "Yeah, and the kids... but look I really need you to forgive Justin you guys used to be so close and now you rarely speak... He has really changed as a person he has really let God in his heart living each moment through him and he is sorry for how things went down, also he and Selena are not talking anymore... and he asked me to marry him again" I said "I'll be nice but I'm not making any promises... I'm glad you're happy...but the fact of the matter is he shouldn't have put you in a situation where you felt like you should call off the engagement off... and also can I just ask why Selena attended the wedding with you guys?" She asked "They were together a long time she knows a lot of his family the kids were excited to see her... It was fine she actually wasn't bad..." I said "Okay fine... because I love you I'll hear him out." She said "Good!! Thank you! I love you." I said "I love you to... I gotta go shoot, if we don't talk before then I'll see you in Miami." She said "Okay perfect, bye." I said then I hung up.

Justin came in the door "Hey." He said plopping himself down on the couch beside me Addy ran over and jumped on his lap "Can you believe she's three?" I asked He shook his head "Not at all... and this little man is one!" He said rubbing Axton's head he smiled then turned his attention back to the TV. "Through these last few years... we have been through so much..." I said "That's for sure." He said we were silent for a moment "Oh I talked to Hailey she's going to the VOUS conference and she said she'd talk to you... I want you guys to work this out." I said "There is nothing to work out it's just best if we aren't friends..." He said "Why? That doesn't make any sense..." I said "You don't want me being friends with Selena so why should I be friends with Hailey?" He asked "Because... she's one of my best friends and you're my boyfriend..." I said "Fiancé..." He corrected "Right..." I said "Do you even want to get married? I want a future Aaliyah I don't want a girlfriend for the rest of my life I want a wife... I want to have confidence that my future is secure and right now I don't feel that way..." He said "Whoa... How did this go from Hailey to you don't feel secure with our future?" I asked "I don't know..." He replied "Okay... one that's not an answer, clearly you're feeling some type of way about us... and two I don't mean to make you feel insecure it's just coming into the light as your girlfriend or wife is so risky I don't feel safe... Justin I was stabbed because we were seen together...we almost lost our son..." I said his face softened "I know look it's not even about that... I'm sorry I just have a lot going on in my head... I'm struggling... It's not you it's just me." He said "That sounds like a break up..." I said "No it's not... I love you... I've just got a lot on my mind." He said "It sounds like you've had a lot on your mind for a while clearly that you didn't want to tell me." I said "Why would you even propose again if you didn't feel 100% about our relationship?" I added "Look..." He sighed "I didn't mean it how it came out..." He said "Can you just talk to me? What are you feeling?" I asked he shrugged "This is exactly the problems we had in the past... We have to communicate... Or we aren't going to make it Justin." I said he nodded "I know... Look Aaliyah I love you and I am sorry I just need to pray... everything is fine we are fine, I'm sorry for scaring you." He said "Justin please don't shut me out you already said more than enough to back out now." I said "Baby, I promise it's fine, I just freaked out for a minute and said things I didn't mean." He said I nodded knowing he was lying but I know he will bring it up again when he's ready... and it's not worth the argument now trying to drag it out of him.