Monarch High: War of the Brats

CHAPTER 50

There are different kinds of darkness. I know it because I experienced all of them. Sa pagiging malayo ko sa pamilya ko lalo na kay mommy, marami akong natututunan sa apat na sulok ng aking kwarto. Sometimes, it's educational, psychological... sometimes, it's beyond the likes of it, and it's making me realize that I'm alone, fighting, and no one's with me.

All my life, I was hidden in darkness. It became my favorite place until I realized there are different kinds of it. The darkness that calms your soul and soothes your nerves. Giving a lull in fighting for your life and simmering down the agitation and chaos in your mind. The darkness that allows you to think clearly, the darkness that despite of its gloomy demeanour, beauty is still what you see. There is also darkness that reminds you of something sad, reminds you that you're alone, whether you're with many people when the sun rises, at the end of the day, what you only really have is yourself. There is also darkness that is hard to remain in. It's suffocating, it's making you breathless, and it's making you hope to end your life. The darkness that presents the ugly past you buried deep down. The darkness that is... deadly for me.

I was panting when I woke up. I crawled my hand on the bedside table. When I reached for my phone, I grabbed it and checked the time with my trembling hands.

It's still 11:34 pm.

I was afraid to sleep, again knowing that the nightmare was just waiting for me to close my eyes. Bumaba ako ng kama at binuksan ang ilaw ng kwarto. I shouldn't have turned the lights off. Pansin ko na kapag madilim ay saka ko napapanaginipan ang nangyari sa 'min ni Priscilla noon.

I climbed on the bed and sat on it, leaning my back on the bedframe. Kinuha ko ulit ang cellphone ko saka kinalikot dahil ayokong matulog ulit.

While I was browsing on my contacts, I stopped on Pip's name. I tilted my head as my typing fingers remained on the air. My lips thinned as I pressed the call button beside, flashing Pip's number being dialled on the screen.

It kept ringing, I wonder if he's already asleep? Nang magtagal ay wala paring sumasagot, pinatay ko na ang tawag saka ibinalik ang cellphone sa bedside table. I laid on my bed and looked up to the ceiling above.

He's probably sleeping. Ano bang naisip ko at tinawagan ko sya ng ganitong oras? Paano kung sumagot nga? What the hell would I say?

Naalala ko ang reaksyon nya bago sya umalis ng condo. He looked mad or something. Hindi ko alam kung anong rason dahil kahit samahan sa pagbaba ay ayaw nya. He's probably surprised that Kuya's here earlier. I saw how uncomfortable and troubled he was when he saw him. Ganoon rin si Kuya. Pinagsisihan ko tuloy na iwan silang dalawa kanina.

Napatingin ako sa bedside table nang umilaw ang cellphone ko. I quickly got up and picked up my phone. I clamped my lower lip when I saw Pip's message.

Pip:

Why did you call? I'm sorry, nasa bathroom ako nang tumawag ka.

He doesn't need to say sorry, though. Hindi ko rin naman alam kung bakit ko sya tinawagan. Maybe I just wanted a talk since I couldn't sleep.

Ako:

Nothing. Hindi ka pa ba matutulog?

Ibinalik ko ang cellphone ko sa mesa at nahiga. Why do I feel so giddy all of a sudden? Para namang first time kong may ka-late night talk. Madalas kaya naming ginagawa ni Mae iyon noong wala pa syang jowa. Tsaka iba na ka-late night talk nya ngayon, 'no.

Umilaw ulit ang cellphone. Kinuha ko kaagad iyon. I read Pip's reply. Sinadya kong tagalan ang reply ko para hindi nya mahalatang gustong-gusto ko syang kausapin.