He's Just So Weird ~ Lashton

Chapter Veintitres ~ C. A. L. M

yeahhhh, writing is how ima express my emotions that idk how to talk out. so basically all of ashton's thoughts and feelings, are mine lol. anyways, i hope you enjoy! :))

WARNING!!! MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM
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Ashton's pov

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"What do you mean you can't do this anymore?"

"I just don't want to be with you Ashton. I need someone with less problems. I gotta go." I watched Luke start walking away. He got about 30 feet from me when he turned around and yelled back at me.

"Ashton!"

"What?"

"WAKE UP!"

I jumped up from the same nightmare I've been having for the past week.

Yeah, I was still in the hospital. We had done the tests, and Bill was proven guilty. Guess who was going to prison for life? Yeah. Great, I know. Calum, Michael, and Luke have all been very caring and helpful. The bring me all of my homework. I'm also staying at the hospital that Luke's and Michael's mom's both work at. Luke's mom knows we're dating, and even let him skip some days of school to stay with me, he also usually sleeps here as well. The nightmares I've been having are probably my fears of my old relationship repeating in Luke's and mine. I trust him though.

After I jumped awake though, I realized that Luke wasn't next to me. He was asleep, visibly uncomfortable, in a chair next to my bed. I laid down and tried to fall back asleep, but all of the voices in my head were keeping me awake. I grabbed my phone to check the time and saw it was 4 am. I opened my phone case and saw the shiny blade I kept in it.

"No. You can't do this here." I whispered to myself as I ran my finger across the edge. All of the voices in my head were screaming at me to, while calling me all the names I heard too often from Bill.

"Worthless."

"Pathetic."

"Wow, what an ugly piece of shít."

-Warning-

Before I could stop myself, I made three new cuts on my right thigh. I started bleeding instantly, but I didn't know how to stop it. The voices didn't let up. "Useless. Can you do anything right? Of course you can't. The old ones were looking better, but I just ruined it. I ruined myself. I'm disgusting. Luke is probably going to leave me sooner or later.

I didn't realize that my crying had woken Luke up until my blade was taken from my fingers. I looked up with tears in my eyes at Luke who was trying not to cry. I tried to cover myself because I knew I was disgusting and I didn't know how he could look at me for so long.

He walked over to his bag that he had here, and grabbed a shirt out of it. He brought it over and held it on my thigh.

"Why." I could hear his voice crack when he asked me.

"No one loves me. Everyone leaves me. No point in loving myself."

He looked up at me and placed his hand on my cheek. "People love you Ash. Your mom, Calum, ..." he said someone else, but I didn't hear him.

"You said that it's been months. What made you do this again? Bills gone." Bill didn't have anything to do with how I was feeling. He just brought everything bad about myself to my attention.

Before you ask. No. I don't have depression. At least, I don't think I do. I am just sad a lot, but I act happy around friends when I'm still sad. Calum makes me happy a lot as well as Luke, but it just seems like I have more of a reason to be sad rather than happy.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a happy person, just more sad.

"Can we not talk about this tonight."

"Okay, but can you please tell me when your ready to?"

"Of course." Luke sadly smiled at my response, and since the bleeding had stopped, got up to go back to his chair to sleep.

"Can you please sleep with me?" He turned and smiled at me.

"You won't have as much room."

"I don't care. I'll have you. Please." At that, he put the bloody shirt away and walked to my bed. He got in the covers with me, and pulled me into his side. I started to slowly drift away, I heard Luke start to cry.

"I don't know what's wrong, and I'm sorry that you felt like you couldn't come to me. I know that last time I said that I would help you. This time though, I am actually going to be here for you, always. You make me so happy, and we've only been dating for a little over a week." I heard him sniffle, and cough a little. "In this short amount of time, I've realized that you are such a beautiful person on the inside and out. You care for others more than yourself, and always make everyone happy. I can't stand to see you this way, so I'm going to be here to make you happy. You deserve everything nice in this world, and I'm going to try to give you all of it. And if not that, then just my everything." After I realized that he was done, it was taking everything in me not to cry. I felt his breathing slow, and I heard his snores. At that point, I released all of my built up tears.

I am so hopeful for this relationship to actually work because of how sweet Luke is... but that's what I thought about... him. I'm scared to let myself get too comfortable. The more comfortable you get, the more likely it is for you to be the one to be left broken and alone. If I break anymore, I don't think I'll be able to be put back together again.

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sorry that was a little sad, i'm venting lol. and okay, but Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls is a whole ass bop. go listen to it, it's great. anyways, i hope you all are in good health and happy. if you enjoyed, please comment and vote. thank you, you extraordinarily gorgeous person! <3