Unexplainable

The truth

      After an hour of drinking, not much, because I was aware that I had to get home tonight, but enough to get dizzy, I felt Chase's hand on my knee. It was so hot that it burned me through the material of my jeans. I looked at him and he smiled at me, drinking the liquid from his glass and getting up from the table. I saw him enter the bathroom and I got up from my chair. No one noticed that I had left, because they were all too dizzy and caught up in their conversations or were scattered around the place, trying to talk to some girls.
- What are you doing? I asked as I closed the bathroom door behind me.
- Don't you want to go home? said Chase.
- But we just arrived.
     He had approached me and slowly put his hands on my chest, on my neck, and then he bent down and ran his tongue lightly over my sensitive spot.
- Okay, I think we can leave now, I said giving up.
      He smiled and came out of the bathroom, and I followed him. When we both reached the table, we waited a few more minutes, then I saw Chase take his phone in his hands and type quickly.
- I have to go, he said.
- So fast? You just came, Gabriel said.
- My mother needs me at home, he said, and turned the phone over to the boys.
- I'll take you if you want, I said. I'm having a headache, I haven't slept much these days.
      We both hurried out of the bar, got into the car and headed for my apartment. We didn't talk the first part of the time until Chase put his hand on my cock.
- Chase, what are you doing? I said, panicking.
- Nothing, he replied chuckling.
- Chase, I'm driving.
      I heard him breathe angrily, taking his hand from my lap. He had drunk a lot and he was playful, and I couldn't wait to get to the apartment. The moment I walked in the door, Chase clung to me, kissing me. I pulled him to my room, took off his T-shirt, doing the same thing with mine, and pushed him onto the bed, but he wouldn't let me climb on him. He got up from the bed and rushed to the strap of my pants, undoing it and gently pulling my pants down until they touched the floor. The game had begun. He ran his fingers lightly over my boner, leaving small kisses on my abdomen. He was on his knees, squeezing my leg as he stretched his neck to touch my chest with his sweet lips. I knew he was going to be the winner of this game the moment he slowly pulled on the elastic of my boxers, taking them off. He had raised his head to look at me, giving me a wicked smile and turning back to my cock. Before I knew what he was going to do, he took it in his mouth, and I felt like I was collapsing. I reached out to lean against the closest closet to me and let out a loud moan as his tongue made circles on my tip.
- Chase..., I whispered.
- Louder, Bryan. I want to hear you.
     But I couldn't say another word. Probably all the neighbors heard my moans. I warned Chase that I was close, and by the time I finished, his name had come out of my mouth. I was leaning against the closet, trying to regain my breath.
- Let's put you to bed, Chase said as he rose to his feet.
- I'd like to take a shower, I said.
- I'm coming, too, Chase said playfully.
    I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. I went into the shower, and soon Chase joined me. After we both got out of the shower, we went back to my room and went to bed. Chase had put his head on my chest, and I ran my fingers through his wet hair. I couldn't get the conversation with his mother out of my mind. I wanted to know why he didn't tell me, why he lied...
- Chase... Why did you lie when you told me it was easy for you to accept that you were gay?
     Initially I was preparing a small speech in my head, but the words came out unintentionally. Chase had risen his head so he could look at me, then said, with a confused expression on his face:
- What?
- I talked to your mom today, I said.
     He looked at me for a few seconds, then sat on the edge of the bed, looking out the window.
- I thought that... if I told you it was easy for me, I'd make it easier for you to get through. I'm sorry, he said, turning his head toward me.
    I got up and sat down next to him, putting my hand on his knee.
- I think it would have helped me more to hear the truth, I said.
- The truth? You want to hear the truth?
     I understood from his tone that it was a sensitive subject, but I wanted to know what he had gone through, I wanted to know every detail. I nodded and grabbed his hand in my hands, trying to calm him down. He took a deep breath and began to talk.
- It was hard to come home, where a normal family was waiting for me... where my homophobic father was waiting for me. My father who always told me how much he despises everyone who is... like this, and he pointed to the two of us. I felt awful knowing I was exactly what he would never have wanted me to be. I knew that if I told him the truth, any connection between us would be broken, I would see disappointment every time I would look him in the eyes. I tried to avoid any contact with him by locking myself in the room. The night I told my mother, we decided together that it would be better not to tell him for a while. This summer when I went to his house I even tried to tell him, but I didn't have the courage. It was a torture for me, and my mother tried her best to make me feel better, but she didn't succeed. I knew I was "broken", as my father used to say.
      His eyes filled with tears, but he tried not to let them run down his cheeks. I pulled him to my chest and hugged him tightly, trying to calm him down, and he grabbed my waist and dug his head into the hollow of my neck.
- Thank you for telling me, I whispered.
- Sometimes I feel guilty, he said, slowly getting away from me. I feel guilty for what I did to you. If it weren't for me, your life would have been normal.
      He said all this, looking into his lap, avoiding eye contact with me. I couldn't believe what he was saying. How could he feel guilty when he was the one who finally made me feel happy?
- Chase, don't say that. Thanks to you, I feel things that I'm sure I wouldn't have felt with anyone else. You came into my life like a breath of fresh air. I had the same routine, the same people and the same boring and pointless life, but you managed to change everything. You turned everything into a chaos I like to live in. Fuck it, the chaos you created is so beautiful.
      I took his cheeks in my hands and looked him deep in the eyes. When I had finished speaking, he rushed to my lips, kissing me hard.
- Never blame yourself for that again, I said after we parted from the kiss.
      He nodded and continued to look at me. It was late, past midnight, so I lay down on the bed and opened my arms, waiting for Chase to come to my chest. I kissed him on the forehead and put my fingers in his hair, and he kissed my chin and hugged me tightly. I fell asleep immediately, thinking of Chase.