Unexplainable

The mess

      The rest of the weekend had been extremely difficult. I was locked in my apartment, doing nothing, ignoring Denise's calls, refusing the boys' invitation to go out with them. I didn't want to see anyone, but the fact that I was alone with my thoughts didn't make the situation any more pleasant. Chase's question kept spinning in my head. "Bryan, what do you feel?" I tried to figure out how I was feeling, but no concrete answer came to my mind. I stayed up most of the night, staring at the ceiling, smoking cigarettes.  I was tortured by my thoughts, by him. I woke up late on Monday morning and I was late for the first class.
- Good morning. I'm sorry I'm late. I got stuck in traffic, I said while entering the class.
- Hello, Bryan, said Mr. Scott. Be careful the next time, please. You can go to your seat.
- I will. Thank you.
     I glanced at my seat, hoping to see Chase, but he wasn't there. In his place was Christian. I was a little surprised, but I preferred to ignore it. As I sat down in my chair, I looked for Chase and noticed him in the back, where Christian had been sitting until now, looking at me. When our eyes met, he fixed his eyes back on the book, resting his head on his elbow. I couldn't concentrate on the pages Mr. Scott had given us to read. I was totally in another movie, I couldn't find my place in that room. From time to time I would turn to look at Chase, who, since I caught him looking at me, hadn't taken his eyes off the pages of the book.
     The rest of the day we ignored each other. I ignored him because he ignored me, and he ignored me for... who knows? I was furious. I didn't understand why he did what he did that Friday afternoon, and now he was acting like he didn't even know me. At lunch, the boys began to become suspicious due to the fact that I no longer participated in their discussions. During the first break, I had a fight with Denise, who had become extremely sticky and made up stories that I was cheating on her. Basically, she was right. We screamed at each other for a few minutes, drawing everyone's attention from the hallway on us, then I slammed the locker door and went outside, making it clear that I didn't want to see her for the rest of the day. She hadn't appeared in the canteen during the lunch break and this made me relax a bit. I was damn tense.
     At the end of the day I was glad to leave that crowd, but the fact that I was returning to my empty apartment, being greeted by the thoughts I had left there that morning, made me change my mind. I stopped by the nearest supermarket and grabbed a bottle of Jack. The only way I could drown all my thoughts, numb my senses was this. I finished the bottle that night, and the next day I was late for the first two classes at school.
     At the end of the week I was a wreck.  The boys tried to find out why I was like that, but I avoided their questions by making excuses that I'm having a headache and I don't want to talk about it.  During the week, I caught Chase staring at me for a few minutes, but every time I saw him, he turned away.

     On Saturday night Christian and Danny showed up at my door.
- Come on, take a shower. You're going out with us tonight, Danny said.
- I'm not going anywhere, I said dryly.
- Dude, I don't care what the hell happened to you, but it's our duty to get you out of this state, Christian said angrily. I'm not going to let you stay here and drink all the alcohol in town. Either you invite us too, or you come with us and get out of this state. Be ready in 10 minutes.
     I looked at him in surprise. Christian was the calm, quiet one of us. I hadn't seen him very often in this situation. I got up from the couch and went into the bathroom. He was right. I couldn't stay in this apartment and complain about my situation. I needed to relax.
      In 15 minutes we were already on our way to the place where we usually went. Everyone else was already inside, and to my surprise, Chase was too. I preferred to ignore him, the way i did all week, but something had changed about him, something in the way he was talking. He was wearing a black silky shirt and jeans of the same color. The first 3 buttons of his shirt were open, revealing his collar bones and his chest, his hair was a little ruffled, but he looked good, and his voice was hoarse. He looked good, really good.  After two beers, I relaxed, the atmosphere was nice and I almost forgot that Chase was at the same table until someone mentioned the club.
- The best idea for tonight, Gabriel said. We were all tense this week, I think this is what we need right now.
- You're right, Danny said, looking at me.
    In a few minutes I was in the right seat of Christian's car, because when they forcibly took me out of the apartment they wouldn't let me bring my car. Danny and Chase were in the back seat. I couldn't wait to get lost in the crowd.

Chase's perspective:
     I knew he was coming too, I could feel that. When I saw him walking inside the bar, I was out of breath. He had been a mess all week and now... He was wearing his typical leather jacket, a black T-shirt, and jeans of the same color. His satin hair was more arranged than the other days, but not as arranged as it had been two weeks ago. He hadn't shaved his beard in a few days, and he was looking damn good.
     I admired him all evening while we were in the bar, then the admiring moved from the bar to the car. I sat in the back seat and watched his every move. He was damn beautiful. With each word he uttered, my penis got harder and harder. It was a real spectacle to watch Bryan. Even his name gives me goosebumps. I don't know how I would resist him all night, but I was hoping to get lost in the crowd.

Bryan's perspective:
- Let the fun begin, Danny said as Christian parked in front of the club.
      We all got out of the car, heading to the club entrance. Everyone went in different directions and we agreed on a place and a meeting time. I mingled with people, then got to the bar and ordered some whiskey. I hadn't noticed when Chase had come to me. I turned my gaze to him when I noticed his presence, I finished the third glass of Whiskey and made my way to the bathroom.
  As I was washing my face to remove the hangover, I heard the bathroom door open and someone locking it. When I raised my head, I saw Chase leaning against the wall, looking at me. I leaned my weight to the sink, sketching a smile.
- What happened?
     His voice echoed loudly through the tiled walls of the bathroom. I felt every part, every atom of me fill with anger. I was going to explode. I turned to him, he had a neutral expression on his face, looking at me without emotion.
- What the hell are you trying to do? I shouted. What happened last Friday... Then you move from the bench and ignore me all week, and now you're coming to ask me what happened?
     I gestured nervously. Chase had tried to say something, but had failed. At that moment I jumped on his neck, grabbing his shirt and slamming him against the wall. He looked into my eyes for a long time and I did the same.
- Look how i've become, I said, almost whispering and releasing his shirt.
      I walked away from him, running my hands through my hair. Who did I want to fool? Leaving my apartment tonight was a bad idea. Seeing him like that...
- What's wrong with me, Chase?
      My voice faded with every word I spoke. I hit my back against the cold wall of the bathroom and slipped until I hit the floor. I burried my face in my hands and was about to start crying. I was so surprised by the way I reacted. All these feelings were new and overwhelming to me. I heard his footsteps coming towards me, he knelt in front of me and removed my hands from my face.
- Bryan, what do you feel? he asked me, without sketching an expression.
     What I feel? I wanted to scream until my lungs held me, I wanted to punch him, I wanted to go back to the day I went to him and not knock on that damn door. But a small part of me felt something else, something I had never experienced before. I looked up, looking deep into his eyes. My hands were shaking, I was so damn tense, but I knew what I wanted to do. I took his cheeks in my hands and pressed my lips to his.