Unexplainable

The football match

     I didn't think at all about what I wanted to do, it was a fleeting thought that persisted. If the same thought had crossed my mind two weeks ago, I probably would have laughed all night, but now it was something else. I felt I had to do it. And I did it, I kissed Chase. He had grabbed my wrists, relaxed, and breathed a sigh of relief. I detached my lips from his, sticking my forehead to his forehead and saying:
- That's how I feel... I think.
      I was still damn confused. I raised my head so I could look him in the eyes. A big smile appeared on his face. He had placed his palms on my knees and said:
- I know you're confused, but I think I realized one thing.
- What thing? I asked looking for his gaze.
- Bryan, I think you're gay, he said smiling.
- No, I said the next second. I don't know.  I have no idea, Chase. There are things I've never felt before. I don't know how someone who is gay should feel.
- I think the fact that you just kissed me answers your questions, he said getting up. Or at least, it should.
      He walked to the door, unlocked it, and went outside. I stood on the cold floor of the bathroom, not knowing what had just happened. I was annoyed that I had no control over the situation. I stayed on the floor a few more moments after which I got up and went back in the club. I met Christian and Jordan at a table and joined them for the rest of the night. I don't know how I got home, but I know that the next day I woke up hungover as hell.

     Chase and I still didn't talk. It was getting harder and harder to see him at school without talking to him. I had my ego and I didn't want to make the next move. I made a move into the bathroom of that damn club, now it was his turn. I was still sitting with Christian, because it looked like Chase didn't want to move back. Everything was going badly and everyone was noticing this thing.
- Bro, I don't understand what happened to you in the last few days, Jordan said. Is it because of Denise?
- It looks like someone just died, Gabriel said.
- It has nothing to do with Denise, I broke up with her last week, I said.
     The thing with Denise was long over. She got extremely angry because I didn't give her attention anymore, so she decided to break up with me. I totally agreed with her decision, and that made her go crazy. Now she seems to be licking Axel. Bitch.
- I just have some bad days, I continued.
- We're worried about you, Danny said.
- I will be fine. It's not a big deal.
     
      The football matches are going to start soon, and Chase seems to have joined the team. Now that I ended the things with Denise, I didn't have much to look for in matches, and that meant more free time, which hasn't been my favorite lately.
     Two weeks after the club incident, I was starting to feel better. I was getting back on my sleep schedule, I haven't drunk in a few days and I came back to life, as the boys said. I was starting to feel almost the same as I had before all this crap. The first match took place this Friday, at 3 pm and was one of the most important. The boys insisted on me coming to support them, after which, they said they would honor me with a beer, whether they win or lose. It worked well for me in any situation. At half past two I entered the door that led to the boys' locker room, where the entire football team was.
- Hey, I thought you weren't going to show up, Danny said as I stepped inside.
- I thought so, too, I said joking.
     They were all in a good mood and ready for the match, they were joking and feeling good. Someone had passed by me... it was Chase. He was dressed only in his blue jeans, and when he turned to face me I could see that they were unbuttoned and left to hang on the bones that built the V-shaped line of the pelvis. His chest shone, his hair was torn and scattered on his forehead. He was in a good mood. He looked like a god, I had to admit. When he saw me there, he changed his mood a little, becoming more reserved. He took off his pants, tossed them on a bench, and walked to a closet from where he picked up his equipment. I think he did it on purpose, and I fell into his trap. I was enchanted by the movements he made, by the way he covered his perfectly sculpted body with that damn piece of equipment. My penis was getting harder and harder. I hadn't stood there for more than five minutes, I wished the boys good luck and I left the locker room. Before I went to the stands, I went to the bathroom to wash my face. I shouldn't have let him affect me like that, and yet I allowed him to do it.
      The match had begun. Our team is doing well. I wanted to pay attention to the match, but my attention was centered in a completely different place. Chase ran around, scoring goals, passing, looking gorgeous... Actually, no. He was just playing football, that's all. I hadn't even realized when the match was over. The boys did well and managed to win the first match of this season. I headed to the locker room, where I was going to wait for them.
- I told you we were going out to celebrate tonight, Bryan, Gabriel said.
We were all deep in discussions about the match, so no one noticed when three of the Highland High School team entered our locker room.
- Congratulations! You were less stupid than you were last year, said the captain of the Highland team. We were pleased to leave you this victory. You needed it.
- The fact that we played like professionals, and you walked around the field is annoying you, isn't it? said Chase.
- Shut up, ballerina, said one of the other team's players.
- You better shut up and get the hell out of our locker room, Chase said nervously.
- Chase, stop. It's not worth it, Danny said, putting his hand on Chase's shoulder.
- What are you going to do about it? said the captain of the Highland team.
     I could see Chase's anger running through his body. He clenched his fists and went toward the three intruders.
- Chase, no! I screamed.
     The next second Chase had jumped on his neck, but the Highland captain was much more worked at the gym than Chase was, so he had managed to punch him a few times until the rest of our team had jumped to get him out. His lip and his nose were bleeding and he was dizzy, but full of rage. As the boys escorted the Highlanders out of our locker room, I pulled Chase aside.
- What do you think you're doing? I shouted out. Why do you get involved in this bullshit?
- It's none of your business, Robinson, he said.
      I was surprised that he called me by my last name. It was the first time he had called me that. I looked into his eyes for a few seconds, then said:
- You're right. It's none my business.
    I left the locker room, leaving the other boys behind. The next hour I drove around the city, trying to clear my mind, until I felt my phone vibrating into my pocket. It was Christian.
- Hey, what are you doing? Are you coming to celebrate?
     My first thought was to refuse, to go to my apartment and drink some Whiskey, but the words came out of my mouth involuntary.
- I'll be there in 5.
     I didn't care if he was there or not. I needed to stay away from my thoughts. When I got to the bar where we usually meet each other, they were all gathered at the table, talking and laughing. I joined them and ordered a drink. After a bottle and a half of beer, I woke up asking why Chase wasn't there.
- He said he's tired and he doesn't want to ruin our fun or something, Gabriel said, sipping his beer.
  After the third beer, I was going crazy. I didn't understand why I missed him so much at that table and why I couldn't find my place there. At 10 o'clock in the night I decided to leave. I made up an excuse, got in the car, and drove to Chase's house. I was so dizzy, I didn't even care if I was going to ruin his quiet Friday night. I knocked on the door and felt somewhat relieved when he opened the door, not his mother. I was nervous and I didn't even have a reason to be there. I was simply standing in front of his door, staring at the ground.
- Did something happen? he asked.
      He cleaned his wounds but  they were still visible. It was quiet and dark inside, and he was dressed in shorts and a white T-shirt. I raised up my head so I could look him in the eyes, treying to figure out why I came here, but when I saw him I knew why.
- Help me Chase. Please, I said.
     I felt exhausted. All these feelings that I was feeling around him were finishing me. He invited me into the house and told me to follow him to his room. He sat on the bed and I sat down next to him, not knowing what to say or what to do.
- I'm sorry I yelled at you today, Chase said after a while. I can't control my anger.
- You were right. It was none of my business, I said. Congratulations on today's game, by the way.
- Thanks. Are you okay?
- No.
- Okay.
     Before I could say anything, Chase had thrown his hands around my neck and pressed his lips to mine. I was surprised for a few seconds, then I grabbed his cheeks in my palms and opened his lips with my tongue. His lips tasted of little blood, probably from the wound he had, and mint. Every atom in my body cried for joy in those moments, my stomach was assaulted with butterflies, my heart was beating fast and my breathing stopped. Chase ran his fingers through my hair as our tongues danced together. After we stop from the kiss, I stared into his eyes that were bathed in tears. Until now I was only complaining about my deplorable condition, I would not have thought that he was going through the same things as me... or maybe worse.
- I'll try to help you, Bryan. I promise, he said, then pressed his lips to mine once again.
    His kiss made every part of my body relax. It was the thing I was craving for so many days, not knowing I needed it. He slowly withdrew from the kiss, then said:
- My parents are not coming home tonight. They only get home tomorrow afternoon. You can stay overnight if you want.
- Really? I asked in surprise.
- Sure. We can talk.
     I nodded. It was so hot in the room, so I took off my jacket and put it down on a chair, then turned and sat back on the bed, looking at him. My eyes remained fixed on his broken lip. Without knowing what I was doing, I reached out and ran my thumb on his lower lip, touching the wound. At that moment he shuddered.
- Does it hurt? I asked him.
- A little, he replied.
     I got closer and closer to him and left a kiss on the part where the wound was. From there I got down on his jaw, then on the line of my neck. He stretched his legs on the bed, put his hands behind his back to lean on them and leaned his head to one side, exposing his neck, letting me explore it. He let out a small moan and his breathing showed. As I ran my tongue around his skin, leaving small purple marks, I moved closer to him, and my left hand reached to his penis area. I felt him shuddered again when my fingers touched him.
- Bryan... he gasped.
- Yes?
- We should talk first.
- Okay...