Blinded by Limerence

63 | All We Want

Morgan

I drew in a deep breath before tightening my grip around Killian's long fingers. He, in turn, gave me a reassuring look as he gently squeezed my hand, nodding.

We stood outside the doors leading to the reception hall, my heart beating unnaturally fast. After exchanging nervous looks, we finally mustered up enough courage to head inside and mingle with the rest of the guests.

The reception hall wasn't too big a room—it was big enough to hold all the guests who attended the funeral, but it was small enough to still have that intimate feel.

"Well, look who finally decided to join the party!"

I turned to face Addie, and hastily letting go of Killian's hand, I leaned in for a quick kiss on the girl's cheek. "Heya," I smiled sheepishly.

"How are you, M? You holding up okay?" she asked softly, her eyebrows knitted in worry, as she passed me a drink.

I nodded, taking the glass into my hands. "Yeah, I am," I replied with a weary grin. Apropos of nothing, I suddenly remembered that I still had Addie's purse, so I passed it to her and added, "Oh, by the way, I grabbed your purse by mistake."

"I was wondering where that went," she laughed before passing me my purse.

Looking around the room, I saw a lot of familiar faces—Addie, Archer, Chase, and Eric—and some not-so-familiar faces. Trevor's family members—I recognized his mom and his brother, mostly because you'd be blind not to see the resemblance—mingled with unfamiliar faces at the corner of the room. To me, however, it looked as though the room was dominated by our little group.

Eric's hand was laced in Chase's, but the moment they noticed Killian's sudden presence, their hands dropped limply to their sides, the pair of them looking away nervously, faces tinted a matching dark shade of red.

"Oh, relax—I know you two are boning," Killian said. He was wearing an odd grin. At his choice of words, I instantly shot him a look, and he shrugged.

"S-sorry—" Eric mumbled softly, averting his gaze from everyone. If even possible, the blush on his youthful face seemed to darken.

Killian let out a sigh, and he shook his head. He took a step closer to Eric, careful not to stand too near; they were standing at least a foot apart, but it was enough to create the familiar feel Killian intended. 

"Don't be, E." He flashed his ex-boyfriend a small, crooked grin, one that didn't seem to reach his eyes, his head tilted slightly to the right. "I'm happy for you—you and Chase," he quickly added, facing Chase as though to emphasize his point.

Eric slowly lifted his gaze to meet the brunette's. "Really?" the former's small voice asked.

"Really."

Seeing the two boys make up melted my heart, and I felt happier than I thought I would—I even felt my eyes brim with tears for a bit, but that could've easily been owed to the hormones—but I could tell everyone else felt awkward to be witnessing their reconciliation.

My gaze turned to Archer who stood across the room, his hand sloshing the liquid around in the glass he held. Our eyes met then, and he flashed me a knowing smile.

I grinned back, as if to say, "Yeah, my talk with Trevor went well."

Then it hit me—an epiphany. I cleared my throat. "Guys," I said loudly, earning the attention of the room, "I'd like to propose—"

"Oh, my gosh, yes, I will marry you!" Addie suddenly interrupted as an attempt to lighten the mood, throwing her arm over my shoulder.

I quickly wiggled her off, throwing her a judging look. "—a toast, you Neanderthal," I shot back, unable to stifle a laugh.

The rest of the room now had smiles on their faces, holding back fits of laughter out of respect, as they raised their glasses.

"To Trevor," I began, raising my glass as the others followed suit, "the bad boy with a heart twice as big as any of ours." I raised my eyebrows knowingly in Archer's direction, and he shot me a proud look.

"We won't think of Trevor as the boy who's gone but rather as the boy who's remembered by his family and friends. In us, his memory lives on." I forced on a wan smile, my muscles suddenly feeling odd and foreign as though my smile bones hadn't been used in a while, and nodded towards the crowd.

"Yeah, he can live in my mind rent-free," Killian uttered. 

"Very well put, Morgan," grinned Chase. "To Trevor!"

We all mirrored Chase's enthusiasm, repeating "To Trevor!", and took a sip from our respective glasses.

Archer raised his glass as well. "His memory will carry on."

Not everyone in the room got the underlying message Archer had meant by that, but Addie, Chase, and I all knew, knowing smirks plastered across our faces, as we were taken back to the night we all went karaoking, to the night so many things had gone down. All that drama, all that high school crap—it suddenly seemed so long ago, like a distant memory in my head.

I guess... On some level... Trevor was really lucky—he's really lucky to have been loved by so many people, and isn't that all we want? To be remembered and cherished and missed when we're gone?

And just like that, our love story ended even before it began.

—

A/N [06.06.20]:

A brother of mine from church passed recently, and I just really channeled that pain into these last few chapters. He was just the most selfless, and it really, truly breaks my heart to think of how I'll never see the bright smile he used to wear...

May he rest in peace :<

—

A/N [06.30.21]:

Hi—me again. My grandmother passed a few weeks ago, and as I'm proofreading these last few chapters before publishing, my own words have never rung truer, somehow. Death's tough, and it's hard to explain what it's like to lose someone dear to you ... but bottom line is, death sucks, and COVID can bite my ass.

The only comfort I have is that I know she's in a better place now, and to anyone else who's lost someone to COVID, at least they don't have to deal with COVID's bullshittery down here anymore, so that's nice and kinda comforting.