Blinded by Limerence

65 | One Day at a Time

Morgan

"Oh, my gosh, look at you!"

I felt my eyes brim with tears at mom's compliment, at the way she seemed to be bursting with pride at her soon-to-be-graduating daughter.

She stepped forward, close enough that I caught a whiff of the fancy perfume she liked to wear on special occasions. Reaching out to adjust my cap, she wore a huge grin on her face.

"Mom, stop it," I chuckled when she just couldn't decide if the cap was tilted or not. 

She let out an exasperated sigh and shook her head. "You're right. You look great, hon," she smiled, smoothing out invisible wrinkles in the black graduation gown I wore.

At that moment, dad peeped his head into the room, grinning. "We all ready to go?"

"Yeah," mom replied for the both of us as she strode across the room and to the doorway where dad stood.

The three of us were already halfway down the staircase when I suddenly stopped short, prompting confused looks from my parents.

"Forgot something," I said briefly, and their faces visibly relaxed. I ran back up the stairs but not before calling after mom and dad, "I'll meet you guys out front!"

In the next minute, I dashed back into my room and grabbed Trevor's leather jacket off the bed. I quickly pulled off my gown and glanced at my reflection in the mirror.

I sighed at the sight of my expanding waist, but at the same time, I felt beyond relieved to still be able to hide my stomach from my friends and family thanks to the bagginess of the graduation gown—how far along was I now? Four, five months? 

Clad in blue washed-out jeans and a white cashmere sweater, I put on the jacket.

Though it was going to be insanely hot later today, I couldn't care less. Wearing Trevor's jacket at the graduation... It'll be as though he's there, graduating alongside us.

A few weeks has passed since Trevor's funeral, and I'm not going to lie—it's been tough. I've been taking it one day at a time. 

My schoolwork's suffered ever so slightly because I found it hard to concentrate all the time, owing to the random memories of Trevor that popped out without warning wherever I was and whatever I was doing, the love I feel for the boy as sharp as broken glass. 

Whenever I walked down the hallways of school, I see him leaning against his locker, waiting for me. Whenever I walked into class, I see him sitting there, waiting for me to teach him a thing or two about math. When I clocked in for my shift at The Brew, he was there, with his goofy grin and his mischievous eyes, ready to bug me while I work. 

I see a version of him and a version of me, happy, and I think that in a different timeline, maybe we were. 

When I think about that kind of stuff, I revert back to the mess in a dress on the bathroom floor of the chapel that night.

But lately—I've been feeling lighter. 

Don't get me wrong, the heart-wrenching pain's still there—the pain that clenches my heart whenever I work my shift or the excruciating reminder that Archer's trio is now down to two—and I think, on some level, that pain will always be there, hanging at the edges of my heart till it stops beating; however, as I think about the days to come and the little plan at the back of my head, a sense of reassurance washes over me, and everything feels like it's going to be okay.

It still doesn't feel right to move on, and I'm not sure it ever will, but we will—move on, I mean—but we'll never, ever forget, that I'm sure of.

The sound of the car sporadically honking downstairs brought me back to reality, and I quickly pulled the gown back over head, over my outfit, and stomach.

I rushed back down the stairs, met by my parents outside, who were already nestled comfortably in the car. 

Together, we drove to my high school, and while my parents yapped on about how fast I was growing up and the like, I was texting Addie about how insane it was that we were actually graduating today.

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Dad stopped the car, cutting off the engine, and both he and mom turned around to face me in the backseat. 

"Have we told you how proud we are of you?" dad asked, looking at me through glassy eyes.

He wasn't one to cry, so merely seeing him on the brink of tears touched something within me, and tears immediately started to form at the corner of my eyes.

"Yeah, about a billion times," I tried to laugh, but it came out as a choked sob. I wiped my tears away with the sleeve of my gown at once.

"We love you, honey," mom smiled through tears that mirrored my own.

Smiling from ear to ear, I nodded. "I love you, too," I said promptly. "I-I wouldn't be here without you two. I know I don't show it often, but I'm, like, crazy grateful. I mean, to have gotten two goofballs as parents? That's— Well, that's more than I can a-ask for."

Mom bit back a sob at my words, and dad attempted to lighten the situation. He turned to my mom and grinned, "She's the best of both of us, isn't she, Aly?"

She nodded enthusiastically in response, a flood of tears streaming down her face. 

Dad shook his head, discreetly wiping away his own tears with the back of his hand. "Why are we all balling our eyes out? This is supposed to be a happy occasion."

Nodding in agreement, I placed my right hand on mom's shoulder and the left on dad's. "I'll see you guys in the audience, okay?"

I pulled the car door handle open and got out but not before turning back around to get one last look at my parents who I love so dearly.

"I love you guys," I said softly, earning smiles from the pair of them. "Don't you forget that, okay? Even if I were to suddenly disappear."