Namjoon
fallin in love with you
He was sitting in his seat two rows behind her. The sunlight was shining through the window, illuminating her beautiful features. He felt hypnotized, completely absorbed in her beauty. His eyes were always fixed on her but math class was actually the only time he really got to look at her undisturbed and without having to worry about someone catching him staring. While everyone was concentrated on class, minding their own business, he watched her. What a pity that he only got to see her side profile. He couldn't get enough of her. Time flew when he could just look at her like this. It fulfilled him in ways he couldn't explain. His heart felt so warm at her sight. When she smiled and her dimple showed, he felt his heart flutter.
He was confident that he knew her face by heart. He had memorized her every feature, engrained it in his brain so that he would never forget. From the way her long eyelashes were curled to the small scar above her lip, he knew every single detail there was to know. He couldn't remember when he began to pay closer attention to her. It felt like eternity, like he had always known and watched her. He couldn't remember his life before her because right now she was all that he could see. It was a different kind of love he felt towards. He hadn't experienced such intense but yet somehow tender feelings towards a person. Looking at her healed his heart but simultaneously tore it into shreds. It confused him, it truly did. But the heartache was worth it, if it meant he got to love her.
He didn't expect anything from her, didn't try to attract her attention. He was content with just loving her from afar. His feelings for her were so pure and innocent. Never before had he experienced a love so pure that it exceeded lust. It wasn't like he didn't desire her, or he didn't find himself fantasizing about kissing her milky silk like skin. It wasn't like that at all. But it definitely was a deeper love, that went beyond desire. He found himself wondering whether she had drank enough water on a hot summer day or worried about whether she had gotten a good night's rest. Every morning when he ate his breakfast, he wondered what she must be having for breakfast. When he was on his way to university, he thought about how she probably was listening to music as she commuted to uni.
Then he pondered on what music she usually listened to. What was her favorite genre? Did she have a favorite artist? And what about her? What did her voice sound like when she absentmindedly hummed songs to herself as she folded her laundry? Did she wear her hair up in a messy bun when she was launching around at home? What did her room smell like? What book was on her nightstand table? All these questions tortured him. So one day he began to write them down. He had a whole notebook dedicated to the questions he would die to have the answers for. Sometimes when he felt really lonely during particularly long nights, he grabbed it from his nightstand and began to read through them. Seeing all of these questions overwhelmed him at times and made him feel hopeless and pathetic.
Who did such a corny thing? Since when was he this sappy and cheesy? But even though he often made fun of himself for keeping this journal, he also knew deep down that it was his most precious possession. If he were to lose it one day, his whole world would come crashing down on him. Truth was that all these letters captured bits and pieces of his love for her. It was woven into the lines.
He watched her, scribble down notes from the whiteboard into her notebook, her lips slightly parted. It was fascinating how focused she was able to stay for long periods. She was so smart and confident too when it came to participation in class even though she was very shy in all other circumstances.
In class, she was only concentrated on the teacher, absorbing all the knowledge that she got. She solved the trickiest math problems with ease, her hand was always the first one to shoot up to share her results. She was incredibly intelligent but yet so humble, blushing in embarrassment when she got praised by the teacher. Namjoon loved seeing her like this. He loved the way she tapped her pen to her lips as she read something or the way she chewed on her bottom lip when she was solving difficult tasks. When she hurriedly put her hair up in a ponytail in the middle of solving a task to get her hair out of her way, Namjoon melted on the spot.
He wanted to touch her soft locks and keep elastics in his pocket for whenever she needed them because on one too many occasions she didn't have one on her wrist and used a pen to secure her bun Chinese style. He would smile to himself whenever she did that.
It was an ordinary day like every other. Namjoon felt himself fall deeper and harder for her like every passing day. He watched her with the same affectionate eyes like the first day, loved her even more than yesterday and added yet another question to his already endless list. Fateful days which change your life forever always feel ordinary in the beginning. You don't suspect anything different nor does the possibility of something big coming your way cross your mind.
You just go on about your day without knowing what is bound to happen. Namjoon was just the same, completely unaware of what was going to happen in just a matter of seconds.
Class ended and the professor dismissed his students. Packing up his things, Namjoon followed (y/n) outside like usually. But this time something out of the ordinary happened and Namjoon tripped over his own feet, face planting the floor with a painful thud. (y/n) turned around immediately, her expression filled with surprise and concern. She grimaced in pain, feeling very sorry for the poor Namjoon who was laying on the floor.
"Are you okay?" she asked, kneeling down beside him.
Namjoon's face was flushed red at his embarrassing clumsiness.
"I-I am good" he reassured her, sitting up and rubbing his nose.
"You scratched your cheek" she said, absentmindedly reaching out to gently touch the small wound on his cheek. Namjoon was overcome with a wave of heat, his ears turning red and his head beginning to spin. It was just a small meaningless gesture to her, but to him it meant the whole world. The world stopped for a second as he lost himself in her eyes. Never had he seen her up close like this before. Her beauty truly was breathtaking he realized in that moment. He found the universe within her eyes, solved all the mysteries mankind was working at for centuries. He suddenly felt like he could see clearer.
He understood that she was his answer.
(Y/N) blushed slightly noticing how he was staring at her. She awkwardly smiled at him before she averted her gaze and began to collect his belongings. Her eyes fell upon a notebook that was laying open on the floor. She read the header:
Things I want to ask you one day
She felt a twitch in her heart as she read those lines. Her curious eyes involuntarily flew over the words. She read all the questions that were written down on that page.
What's your favourite season?
Do you like the rain?
Have you ever watched a storm at night from your window?
What did you think about in that moment?
Do you believe in aliens?
What's your favorite color?
How do you alwaus know the answers to the professor's question?
Did you ever break your arm?
Have you ever noticed me?
Like, have you ever looked at me?
Really looked at me?
What would you do if you knew how much I love you?
At the last question, Namjoon tore the book from her hands, horror written across his features. He was absolutely mortified, his face on fire.
(Y/N) chuckled softly at his cute reaction, feeling a little bad for having invaded his privacy like this.
"I am sorry, I couldn't hold myself back" she admitted, "I really love poems and love songs. The title intrigued me, I guess."
Namjoon stayed silent, not knowing what to say. All he wanted to do was disappear into thin air.
"I hope you will get to ask her these questions one day" she told him, giving him a small sad smile. "You really seem to love her a lot. I could feel that."
Namjoon's heart was about to give out as he heard her say that.
It's you that I want to ask.
It's you that I love.
I fell in love with you.
He wanted to say...
*A/N if you wanna be better updated then follow my instagram at moonchild_starrynight, i am more active on there than here
