Namjoon
being in love with him
For as long as you could remember, he had been by your side. Your happiest, saddest, scariest and most exciting memories included him. He was in every picture frame, in every photo album - he was a part of everything.
Namjoon and you had basically grown up together. He was your best friend. You had viewed him as a sibling for the longest time but when he started to turn from a boy into a man, you couldn't deny how attracted you felt to him. One day as you were studying for an exam together, you found yourself staring at him and seeing him in a totally different light. You noticed how long his lashes were, how soft his lips looked, how cute his dimples were. You really looked at him and it made your heart clench. The realization came way later.
It took you months if not years to finally understand and accept that you were truly, madly, deeply in love with your best friend.
You seeked his comfort, his warm hugs. You always wanted to see him happy and smiling.
It broke your heart when he had his first girlfriend. He was so excited about it and gushed over her 24/7 to you. Little did he know that he was crushing your heart with every time he called her beautiful or said that he was in love with her. When they broke up, you felt relieved but yet you were devastated because he was unhappy. Nothing was the same after his first girlfriend. There was a certain distance between the both of you that hadn't been there before.
Though this distance was barely noticeable, you felt it.
Namjoon was always looking for a next girlfriend. He had been dating a lot of girls, though none lasted very long. You had lost count of the nights you laid curled up in a ball in bed, crying. How many times had you felt helpless and lost. Often you asked yourself where all of this would lead you. You couldn't keep on holding onto him and loving him all of your life when you knew he didn't feel the same. You wanted to get a taste of love too, wanted to know what it felt like to be kissed, to be cherished and have someone go crazy for you. This loneliness you felt, you wanted it to stop. Namjoon always gushed about his crushes and girlfriends, but he never cared for your love life. He had only once asked you about it, but you were only 18 back then.
He had asked you whether you had ever had a crush to which you answered no, and then he had jokingly added: "I bet, you must have had a crush on me at some point" to which you had also answered no, though by then you were in love with him. You had tried too many times to confess to him, but you just couldn't bring yourself to tell him the truth.
It hurt you to see the man you love, love other women. Whenever you laid in bed at night and knew he was out and about with some girl, you couldn't help the pictures that were flashing in your head.
You felt betrayed. It drove you insane knowing other women were touching his face, kissing his lips, looking into his eyes. He was your Namjoon.
You didn't want others to see his bright smile from up close, to know what it was like waking up next to him or how he was so whiny when he was sick. But what hurt you more and broke you more was that he was looking at someone else with loving eyes, that he desired someone else, that he longed to be with someone else than you.
To end this agony, to finally let go of him, you had accepted to go on a date with a guy from your literature course.
"Hey, Joon I have news to tell you" you told him when you joined him in the cafeteria of your university.
"Shoot at me" he said halfheartedly as he was typing away on his phone.
He probably yet again had girl drama, so you didn't even bother to ask. Ignoring it, you continued. "I am going on a date." As soon as the words fell from your lips, Namjoon's eyes darted to yours.
