Hoseok
blue side
*Please listen to Blue Side as you read this for the full experience lol.*
His head buried in his arms, eyes closed and limbs heavy, Hoseok sat at the bar. He couldn't remember how much he had drank or how long he had been sitting in this cheap bar. His head was spinning and his stomach churning. Though it was loud at the bar, he was only able to hear her voice. Her sweet, sweet voice echoed in his head. He could see her in his mind - that bright smile that used to light up his days, those big doe eyes that he had gotten lost in so many times, those delicate fingers that caressed his cheek. All that was ever on his mind was her. The pain in his heart was growing every day since she had left, taking over him completely. His heart was aching for her every wakening moment, making it impossible for him to focus on anything else but his broken heart.
He yearned for her touch, he craved her kisses, he missed hearing her voice, to feel her breath on his neck when he slept at night. The empty space beside him in bed, drove him insane. He couldn't bear to climb into bed every night only to be reminded of her absence, so he didn't go to bed anymore. It wasn't as if he could sleep anyways. Ever since she had left he couldn't properly sleep. All the memories kept him awake all night.
He was drinking so much these days - a pathetic attempt to numb the growing pains. He knew that nothing could mend his heart. It was only her that could fix his broken heart. But she wouldn't be coming back. He had lost her for once and for all - he knew it, he knew it but it was so hard to accept it. With all his might he tried to refuse it, to live in denial.
It was so much easier to live, hoping that she would come back one day, that he hadn't lost her forever. The thought of never getting to see her again, to hear her voice again, to feel her touch again, pushed him to the edges of sanity. But he knew his fault, his big fault. He had disappointed her, taking her for granted. For this reason he hated himself, despised himself. He hated what he had done to her. Though he knew he didn't deserve her, he still couldn't help but selfishly want her back. There was nothing that he wouldn't do to get her back. He hated who he had become without her. What was left of him without her ? Nothing but the empty shell of the man he used to be.
Wasn't it ridiculous ? How life could change so drastically within a matter of seconds ?
He had found the whole universe within her, but had miserably failed to keep her. It was his fault for taking her for granted. He should have loved her more, respected her more - he should have laid the world in front of her feet because she deserved it. She had done nothing but showered him in endless love. She had been there for him all the time without an exception, putting him above her own needs. Selflessly she had loved him, giving her all to him, trusted him with her life only to be betrayed by him.
Hoseok clenched his hands into fists, remembering that doomed night where his fingertips had touched another woman's skin, where his lips had tasted another woman's lips. Hitting his head repeatedly with his fists, he tried to stop the images flashing in his mind.
Tears streamed down his face as he yet again lost her in his head. He saw her pained expression when she had smelled another woman's perfume on his shirt. He saw how her once with loved filled eyes turyn dark and an empty look replaced the sparkles. That was when he knew that he had lost it all. He had lost her in that moment and himself too.
"Sir, please stop you are scaring our guests" the bar tender said, holding both of Hoseok's wrist. Hoseok blankly stared at him, tearing his arms out of his grip. Clumsily he slipped off the bar chair, knocking over his glass, the whiskey spilling on the table. The bar tender cursed under his breath as he watched Hoseok stumble through the crowd and disappear.
