Namjoon
white converse
He saw her everyday on the bus and watched her from afar. He watched closely as she ran her skinny fingers through her dark brown hair or fiddled with the hem of her shirt as she absentmindedly looked out the window. Every day, he wondered what she may be pondering about. He wanted to know so desperately what her name was, what music she liked to listen to, what her favorite food was and what dreams she had for her future. He wanted to know it all, he wanted to know her.
But how ?
Every night before he went to bed and every morning when he woke up he swore to himself that he would talk to her but even after 2 months he couldn't bring himself to do just that. It gave him serious anxiety. His heart raced and his palms started to sweat when he saw her. No words would come out of his mouth because his throat went dry. So he would swallow all the words that he wanted to say to her and save it for the next day. But the amount of things he wanted to tell her and the questions he wanted to ask her grew every day, making it harder and harder for him to swallow.
Again he got into the bus and his eyes instinctively looked for her. The bus was particularly packed that day, so it was hard for him to spot her quickly. Squeezing his way through the mass of people, muttering a couple sorries, he finally saw her. She was stood by the window, holding onto a handle dangling from the ceiling of the bus. She looked so small in between all of these people. Hesitantly Namjoon went to stand in the spot beside her, grabbing hold of the handle next to the one she was holding onto. She only momentarily peered at him before she shyly adverted her gaze to her shoes. Her white converse shoes that she wore every day. Namjoon felt his heart race yet again. It had been two months but his heart hadn't gotten used to her beautiful sight.
This was the first time he was this close to her. His legs were weak, and he was internally fighting to keep himself together. He didn't want to stare but it was so hard to keep his eyes from her. He only had 20 precious minutes per day when he could see her, and he didn't want to waste a second of it. So he stole glances at her once in a while. She was wearing a baby blue flannel shirt and a simple white shirt underneath along with her apparently favorite pair of light washed vintage jeans.
Namjoon was so absorbed in his thoughts, trying to form coherent sentences in his head, that he was taken by surprise when the bus abruptly halted, and she stumbled into his chest, instinctively gripping on his arm for support. Namjoon naturally held her waist so that she wouldn't fall and in a matter of a second both of them had found each other in such an intimate position that had them both blushing hard. Namjoon's heart almost stopped and his mind was wiped blank of any thoughts. His breath was caught in his throat. He couldn't take his eyes off of hers. To see her face up this close made him feel butterflies in his stomach. How could she be so breathtakingly beautiful ? He wanted to count the faint freckles on her nose and cheeks, he wanted to explore the depths of her hazel eyes, and he wanted to examine her pink plump lips so that he could imagine what they must feel like against his.
The moment was short like the blink of an eye but it felt like eternity to him.
"Sorry" she apologized, clearing her throat and letting go of his arm. Namjoon instantly missed her touch, a feeling of incompleteness spreading inside of him. He felt like he had been torn out of a sweet dream, but she was still there, standing in front of him.
"Uh- It's okay- it's fine, no worries" he mumbled, smiling softly at her. Realizing he was still holding her, he removed his hand and awkwardly slipped it into his pocket.
"Thank you" she then added, looking into his eyes. Namjoon's legs were about to give in.
Now was the time, the perfect opportunity to get into conversation with her. But again he felt a lump form in his throat, preventing him from talking. He looked at her in hope she would say more, talk to him. But she adverted her gaze and Namjoon felt his heart shatter. He felt her slipping through his fingers yet again.
This time he wouldn't swallow his words, he refused to. So he gathered all the courage that was in him and parted his lips, finally letting go of his fear to be rejected.
"I am Namjoon by the way" he said. She looked up from her shoes, seemingly surprised that he was talking to her. Her beautiful eyes once again locked with his and Namjoon fell for them in that moment.
"Nice to meet you, I am (Y/N)" she then replied. In his head he was repeating her name, memorizing it by heart. He liked her name and couldn't help but think how good it fit her. They naturally began to small talk about the weather and how packed the bus was. Namjoon was so nervous that he kept on forming weird sentences and switching up words. She probably thought he was stupid, he thought to himself. Yet he felt euphoric for having finally talked to her. That night he would go to bed, feeling accomplished. He would lie in bed and think about her eyes, her freckles, her sweet scent and pink lips.
Time flew by and in what felt like no time, the bus halted at her bus stop. Namjoon cursed the heavens for it because he didn't want her to leave so soon. He wanted to talk to her for hours, listen to her soft voice for hours. As she got off the bus, she turned to him.
"Until next time Namjoon" she said to him, giving him a small smile that had him melting. He was already so whipped for her. The way his name rolled off her lips drove him insane, he loved the way she said his name. He only wanted her to say his name from then on. That day he realized that he was falling for her, and he couldn't stop himself.
