Scotland's Burning

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I used to love school. I have amazing friends and the teachers always love me. I would still love it if I could be myself. School has just become a huge charade for me. Hiding how I really feel, all my thoughts, what's been happening to me. I would give anything to go back to a simpler time. Back when I wasn't like this.

I was really happy once.

Now I'm an empty shell of what I used to be. People thing I'm a happy person and I want to keep it that way. But I really hate lying to my friends. My best friend Evan and his boyfriend Griffin are the only ones who know about Joss. They don't know who he is or anything but they know what he does to me. Well a watered-down version.

I see the way they look at each other and can't help but wish I could have that. I want someone to look at me that way, with love. Of course their lives have both been pretty shitty too.

I sat at my desk staring out the window. The weather reflects my mood. Dark and cloudy. I wish I could express my feelings as much as Mother Nature does.

"Hey Zack." Griffin says sitting in the seat next to me. I turn to him and smile brightly.

"What's up Griffin?" I start to get my notebook ready so I can take notes. He shrugs.

"I'm ok. A little tired though. Evan kept me up all night."

I raised an eyebrow. "All night huh? What the hell were you guys doing?" I knew exactly what they had been doing. Or rather who.

He flushed bright red. "Err... stuff?"

"Ugh bad mental picture." We both laughed.

As the teacher lectured I took notes. I know, I'm an over achiever.

Bite me.

But for some reason I just couldn't focus today. I tried but my mind just kept drifting. I wonder what people are thinking. I mean wouldn't it be cool to read minds? But I don't want anyone else to be able to read minds. No one can know what I'm thinking.

"...ack! Zack!" Griffin was waving his hand in front of my face.

"Huh?"

"Class has been over for three minutes. You were way zoned out."

"Oh shit! Really?" I scratched my head is embarrassment.

"Um yeah. Come on we're going to be late for lunch." I gathered my stuff and then we headed out the door. Evan was waiting on the other side and snatched Griffins hand up as soon as he walked through. Griffin had the biggest smile I had ever seen on anyone. I wonder how he did that. Smile I mean. After all the shit he's had to deal with? I mean he had it worse than I do right?

He was kidnapped. Twice.

Cut all over his body.

Raped.

Sexually abused.

And all by the same person. Plus the second time he was kidnapped, Evan was too. He had to watch Evan be tortured. I was just forced to sleep with a guy. Yeah it sucked but people had it way worse right? I mean I was raped daily but it wasn't brutally like some people were raped. I just didn't want it.

First off, I was straight. I'm not trying to convince myself of that either. I had no doubt that I was 100% straight. If I had been gay I would have dated Evan. Plus even if I was gay, I could care less.

Second, who wants to have sex every fucking day with someone they don't love, or even like? I mean if I loved Joss and he loved me maybe it would be different. But I don't love him and I have a strong feeling he doesn't love me.

Third, who wants to hide things from people? Don't you just want to have a normal life? No skeletons in your closet? FREEDOM?

Joss took that away from me. With him there is no freedom. I'm his bitch and have to do what he says when he says it. If I fight back my family will end up on the street, or worse. And he knows there is nothing I can do. He knows he controls me.

He pretty much owns my soul.

"Zack? Are you ok?" I jump and turn towards the voice. Scotland stands there looking a little concerned.

"I'm uh fine!" I say looking away. I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"You know you can tell me what's wrong, right? I want to be your friend." I gulped looking into her vivid blue eyes, the curly mane of fire red curls surrounding her perfect face.

I gulped again.

"Um thanks but nothings wrong." I drop my gaze to the floor. I heard her sigh.

"I just want to be your friend." She turns and walks towards the table her shoulders sagging.

I felt like complete and utter shit. I wanted to be here friend, so fucking bad! But I couldn't risk it. I know she would get it out of me eventually. I mean she was perfect. Everything about her. From the perfect slope of her neck to the way her hips sway and her feet hit the ground daintily. Her fiery hair and brilliant blue eyes, her straight white teeth, and the way her eyes crinkle at the corners when she smiles.

And she's majorly smart, a 4.0 GPA and she plays piano. I've never heard her but I bet she's fantastic.

So I don't hate her. I can't. But I wish I was her. She's so amazing how could I ever compete with someone like her? If we were friends I don't think I could take it. She's so prefect and I'm... not.

I sat down at the table and pulled out my lunch. Just a ham and cheese sandwich, apple, and a bottle of water. Joss doesn't want me to 'get fat'. I couldn't even choose what I ate anymore.  My mom just thought I was on a health kick. Joss wanted me in shape so I had been exercising and eating healthy. I actually like the change a little. I have a six pack now. I didn't use too.

I still hate doing anything for Joss though.

I ate in silence. I had been doing that a lot lately.

"Do you want to hang out on Saturday? Mary wants to go shopping and we need help!" Evan said smiling at me. I know how much he loves his sister and I found it funny that Evan and Griffin met because Evan's sister was marrying Griffin's brother Tyler.

They were the definition of the perfect couple.

My head hurt when I thought about how happy other people are.  

I believe in love. Well I guess I sort of have too. I'm surrounded by it. I just don't believe I will ever find love.

"Sure I'll go shopping with you!" I grinned back at him. Evan was my best friend. I didn't have to fake happiness around him or Griffin.  They genuinely make me happy. Plus that means I don't have to go to Joss's house on Saturday.

"Yay! We are going to have sooooooo much fun! Oh! Oh! You have to meet Danny! You will totally love him!" Griffin said excitedly.

I smiled. Griffin was great. He made everyone smile. He's really come out of his shell him and Evan got together

"Ok well I guess I'll see you guys later!" I said standing up and grabbing my trash. I threw it away and then headed to the library for study hall.

Well there's chapter 2! Tell me what you thought.

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