Is My "BLACK" Beautiful?

The New Normal

My last made me feel like I would never try again
But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt
Come closer, I'll give you all my love
If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything
My last made me feel like I would never try again
But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt
Come closer, I'll give you all my love
If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything

Trevor Daniel x Falling

____________________________________

CHICAGO

My daily routine has become pretty much centered around my safety.

It's weird cause now I can't do any of the things I usually do without getting a call from everyone checking in. I'm not mad that they care I love it actually but the thought of Carter never leaves my mind now.

The first time I left I didn't even think twice about him but ever since I've seen him last I've been in a state of worry.

I stood in my bathroom mirror staring at myself. How can someone go through so much and it not show?

Like physically you can't see it in my face other than the sadness.

I just hope my dad did enough to make Carter scared to where he would just go away.

Harlem popped into the bathroom.

"Hey, Chi are you okay? Yardee is here to take us to school."

"Oh hey! Yeah, let me grab my phone my bag, and headphones."

She smiled softly at me before giving me a loose hug."

"I love you, Chi!"

She said randomly like she knew I needed it.

"I love you too Harlem."

I said back genuinely. She is my sister. Honestly, a big part of me staying sane. 

I went and grabbed my stuff and came downstairs.

Yardee and Harlem were talking at least I heard them when I was coming downstairs. When I made it down the convo become hushed. I wasn't mad they were aprobably just trying to figure out how to help me.

I can't get mad about people caring about me that much it reassuring.

"Hey Chi! How are you feeling?"

"I'm better Yardee thanks for asking."

I said with my hand up for a high five as usual. I was kind of on autopilot I hadn't lost it I was just going about a routine to keep sane. Never deviating from what I did hoping that things would stay safe the way they had been.

HARLEM

"We've got to do something about Chi guys. I don't want to push her away by pushing her to kind of reintegrate but she's been off. She doesn't seem sad but she is. I know what that's like to try to seem normal on the outside and have a million emotions at war for the spotlight on the inside. She's not ok I do believe she's traumatized but I won't project my own experiences on her. I want to help her but I don't want her to feel ambushed. She worries about our safety and her own. She texts Dice like clockwork all day I just want to help you guys. She's not herself."

"I know what Harlem means. It's a weird feeling when you just want to do the bare minimum so you don't step any toes and mess something up. Like me, for example, my lack of enthusiasm to speak isn't me being rude it started as a defense mechanism."