Surviving The New World (Book Six in the Surviving The Walking Dead Series)

Thy Will Be Done

Dear Harper,

As you can tell from the first few entries I've written, you had a brother...he didn't make it. Our doctor Siddiq determined that something happened to his umbilical cord, something that we couldn't control. I realize now that his death isn't on me, but I still can't get what happened out of my head. The crying, the feeling of utter loss; I was suicidal. Part of it was postpartum depression, the other part was me feeling like that life wasn't worth living, but a bunch of amazing people helped me through it all. I'm alive, I survived...all for you.

One day, I will tell you all the things I've done to get to where I am today, hopefully when you're at an age where you can handle it, but know that I'm only gonna tell you because you deserve to know. I want you to know that there are horrible people out there and I did what it took to make sure you and the others were safe. Please don't think differently when the day comes for you to know, I only did what I did because I had no other choice.

I can tell you that sometime today, I'm expected to go in front of the council in the community I'm currently in for a final hearing. I did something bad, but I also didn't do something I'm being accused of. However, because of my past, I have little to no chance of being found not guilty. If anything happens to me, just know that I love you with all my heart.

Love Always,
Mom

A gentle knock filled the room, but I didn't move, I didn't speak, just laid in my bed. The door slowly opened and Daryl entered the room, holding a tray of food. "Babe?" Daryl softly spoke. "I got ya breakfast." When I didn't respond, Daryl sat the tray on the bedside table and sat down next to me with a sigh. "Babe, ya need to eat. It's been three days."

"I'm not hungry." I mumbled.

"That's your depression talkin'." I didn't respond. "Goddamn it, Michaela, ya ain't the only one who lost someone that day."

"Daryl?" Michonne softly spoke from the doorway. "Rick and the others are ready for her."

"Well, she ain't. Tell 'em we'll get there when we fuckin' get there." Michonne gently nodded.

"How is she doing?"

"She won't eat a fuckin' thing, hasn't showered, I'm not even sure if she's gotten up to use the restroom."

"Whose been taking care of Harper?"

"Me and Siddiq. He wants to keep an eye on 'er for a lil' while longer. So far, she looks like she's gonna be fine."

"And her eye?"

"It'll just be a scar."

"Good." Michonne sighed. "I'll go tell the others she isn't ready yet, but try and bring her in soon before they drag her down to the council room." Michonne left the house, leaving Daryl and I in silence.

"Ya gotta get out of this rut, Michaela. I hate seein' ya like this; it ain't fair to Harper."

"Ain't fair to Harper?" I snapped. "What about Joseph? What about us? None of this fuckin' shit is fuckin' fair, Daryl! And they want me to prance around like everythin' is back to normal? Nothin' will ever be normal, Daryl! We lost our son!"

"So did Rick. So did Michonne. Carol lost Sophia, Aaron lost Eric, Gabriel lost his church people, Ezekiel lost Shiva; everyone has lost somebody here, Michaela, but they knew they had to move on or it'd destroy 'em...I lost Merle, I lost Joseph...I can't lose you, too."

"I ain't dyin', Daryl. Y'all made it perfectly clear that I had a reason to live, and I do, but it don't mean that I can 't be fuckin' depressed about it." I rolled my eyes and reluctantly climbed out of bed. "I'll be down in a few minutes."