i hear you (junhao)

13.

minghao sighed "yes mingyu, and we're not related" he signed without looking into his eyes

now it was junhui's turn to be confused, he raised an eyebrow and looked at minghao wondering why mingyu seemed sad

mingyu nodded, signed that he wished them the best, and then left leaving minghao in not as good of a mood as he was in before

to lighten things up he decided to make him laugh "hey minghao, i thought you were chinese but you're definitely korean" he said

minghao turned to look at him while sucking on his straw and raised an eyebrow, he stopped what he was doing and asked "what?"

"i said you're definitely from korea and not from china because you're my seoul-mate" junhui said with an awkward smile

minghao sat expressionless

"i'm sorry that was terrible, i'm nervous and it sounded better in my head-" but the other bursted out laughing

"i'm sorry, i'm always late when someone tells me a joke" he laughed "and hey, don't be nervous, this is actually quite nice" minghao said and winked

they both continued to talk and tell each other facts about themselves but nothing too personal till they ended up their drinks

they both paid their drinks with the cashier and then left the place "where should we go next? the sun is gone" junhui said

"i've got the perfect place and it's not far away" minghao smiled

he grabbed the other by the wrist and started running towards somewhere junhui had never been before, when they got there the older couldn't believe the sight

it was kind of the top of a hill but the view was amazing, all the little pretty lights were so starstrucking, he stared in amazement at the view and turned to see minghao's expression

minghao was just smiling relaxedly "it always impresses me when i come here, it's just so beautiful"

junhui nodded with a still shocked expression and sat down "where is this place?" he asked

minghao shrugged "just a place i like to come to when i'm upset, but today i'm happy so i'm enjoying it more" he looked at him

junhui felt a strange feeling while looking at minghao with all the little lights surrounding them, the view was truly magical

"what do you love junhui?" minghao closed his eyes taking a deep breath of the fresh air

junhui was caught off guard, what did he love? what kind of a question was that? he didn't get it

"umm, i love taking showers after a long day" junhui said awkwardly making minghao giggle

"minghao, may i ask you something?" he asked nervously

minghao opened his eyes and turned to see him "yes?" he said

"did you use to- umm date you know, mingyu?" he asked without looking at him, minghao's smile faded a bit as he nodded

"junhui, please don't tell anyone about this, bur there's actually a reason why i don't date and it's not because i'm shy or that 'i'm too busy' lie, i used to date mingyu, he was my first love and boyfriend so i grew very fond of him, we were inseparable but it didn't last long"

junhui nodded sadly feeling a little guilty about asking, then minghao continued talking

"he would always get upset because he couldn't hear me and neither could i hear him, but i loved him, when we were still a couple we could just think of the future and how we wouldn't be together because knowing you're not going to end up with the person you love the most is the worst thing that you can ever realize, it's kind of ironic because we were so worried about what was going to separate us that that is actually what separated us, the anxiety of not being with one another and the dependance we had in each other, mingyu and i broke up because we couldn't live anymore with that pain and we nearly died from it, i was heartbroken for almost two years, i really thought we were meant to be, that there had to be a mistake when we were born or something had gone wrong along the way, but no, it just wasn't meant to be" he said while looking up to the stars

"minghao, i'm sorry you had to go through all that, i truly am, so i understand and completely respect if you want to take things slower, i would rather die than make you go through something like that again" he said gently

minghao looked at him and smiled "don't say sorry, it's not your fault, it is our destiny and we might as well enjoy it while we live"

"since you had the trust to tell me such a personal thing, i guess i'll do the same" junhui said reassuringly

"the reason i don't date isn't only because i find it pointless when the person is not your soulmate, it actually started a long time ago, you see, when i was a kid, i was told i would be having a little brother very soon and i couldn't have been happier, but destiny had different plans, my mom had a miscarriage and fell into a huge depression, my dad was always there for her through day and night, but he was also very sick, he died just a few months later, i expected my mom to completely break and fall apart but she didn't" he took a deep breath before saying anything else

minghao grabbed his hand with a small smile and junhui continued "well, she actually became stone cold, she was never the same and i haven't seen her smile ever since, she's a great mother and always lets me know how much she loves me, but she isn't great at speaking her feelings or expressing any emotions and that used to terrify me, but she seems calm now and that's all i want for her forever, so i always remind her that i love her no matter what, so i guess that's why i'm so afraid of loving, it's not the loving i'm afraid of, it's the losing" he had teared up a little and the other caressed his cheek to calm him down

"you know, mingyu actually showed me this place" minghao confessed