Phoenix's pov:
I slammed my bedroom door ignoring Tj calling up the stairs trying to get my attention in the end i turned up my music and blasted motionless in white reincarnate. when the music stopped i heard Tj talking to someone downstairs. i ignored it and put the song on repeat, i decided to be even more annoying and turn it up even louder. i lay down on my bed and sang along "You pull the trigger just for fun forgetting I'm a loaded gun so hate me for the things I've done and not for what I've now become I want this I need this I love it crawling from hell fallen from grace and there is nothing left to take leaving the past to the grave so we can reincarnate you sit upon your throne of filth condemning what you haven't built so hate me cause you're standing still watching while I shoot to kill I live this I breathe this You crave it crawling from hell fallen from grace and there is nothing left to take leaving the past to the grave so we can reincarnate there's one thing you forget you can't make me play dead I've swallowed your bullshit no respect you make me fucking sick give me a reason I won't bite my tongue I am not afraid spineless a dominion of nothing is all you will reign you laugh but what did you create bitch you give a fucking aspirin a headache." i stopped singing as my door opened, and i saw the one and only chris motionless (cerruli) walk into my room! i paused the music and tried not to fan girl. "hi phoenix." he said and i smiled "hi chris." i said and he smiled "nice to meet a fan, i wish it was under better circumstances though." i sighed "whats Tj sent you to tell me?" i asked and he looked fairly shocked "he was right you do know him way to well!" i shruggeed "it was either you or devin, i guessed you though." he shrugged "can i sit?" i nodded and he sat on the edge of my bed. "ive known Tj since we were kids, ive grown up with the little fucker! i know he makes mistakes, alot of them, but he would never cheat on someone he loves, trust me he does love you, more than anything in the world, he was just telling me about how he would quit music for you!" that one shocked me, honestly it did.. "im sure he wouldnt.. i just dont get how he could do that.. especially as he claims to 'love' me so much." chris was not amused by my pessimism "phoenix i honestly think you should fucking listen to him, let him explain because it will make a whole load of difference.." i nodded and couldnt find anything to say "ill see you soon phoenix." i nodded "bye chris." he walked out of my room and pulled my phone out of my pocket reading then text from danny that i had.
danny- hey munchkin, the guys and i are officially moving to america!! well actually we are currently at baggage claim, we've got a house near yours, and as soon as we get there im sending you the address!xx
i replied to him excitedly and just did nothing in my room waiting for his text. when i got it i pulled on my shoes and a hoodie. i got my black beanie from my wardrobe and put it on, i walked down the stairs plugging my headphones into my phone "going to see danyy, ill text dad the address so he can pick me up. see ya!" i grabbed my house keys and headed off in the direction of danny's house. i found it immediatley as danny's mums car was outside of it and ben was pulling suitcases and boxes out of it. i snuck up behind ben and yelled in his ear "miss me shit brain?!" he screamed like a girl all most dropping the boxes he held in his arms. "of course! we all missed you! danny especially! i had no idea that you were going to be over tonight!" i laughed and nodded "danny text me, and i decided to be unpredictable and just say ill come and visit!" ben grinned at me and i grabbed a box from the car. i walked in behind ben and saw all the guys busy with unpacking, dannys mum noticed me first "oh my god its my favourite neice!" she said happily, she'd classed me as her neice forever, i dont think she ever will stop "yep its me aunty v!" i said feeling properly happy for the first time in a few days "yay its everyones favourite phoenix!" cameron said and i smiled, james was the sensible one and decide to ask questions "so how far away do you live?" i put the box down on the floor where i was told to "only about two streets away, it only took my five minutes to walk." he nodded and we all went back out for the last of the boxes.
we all had fun unpacking until dad had a spaz out and decided he was going to pick me up. i said my goodbyes to the guys and then went out to the car. i slid into the backseat and waited for the lecture, "why the hell would you do that?! Tj was so worried! we were so worried! why the hell didnt you tell us where you were going?!" i rolled my eyes at Tj's 'worry' "i text you and told you, i also told Tj i was going to see danny." robert turned and stared at me "and you didnt think about the fact Tj may have been sat crying with chris because you refuse to listen!" ugh not this fucking lecture! "ugh you guys we've been through this a million fucking times! im done with this 'poor Tj' bull shit! if it were you and dad robert you wouldnt listen to him either!" they both rolled their eyes "thats different we're full grown men. you and Tj are still kids. you should be able to talk about this!" i glared at them "can neither of you see how much this affected me?! Tj doesnt bottle it up or hide it, he's openly emotional! im not, but your my dad maxwell you should see through the facade!" they both sighed and dad pulled into the drive and i got out of the car. i walked up to the door and used my key to unlock it "phoenix your ok!" Tj said, his eyes red and his face blotchy from crying, i nodded and walked up to my room "phoenix please just listen to me for five minutes!" he pleaded and i turned to look at him "ill listen when you all understand! Tj what you fucking did hurt! like a mother fucker! this hurt more than when you left and that hurt a lot, but its not my fault this time Tj, i can't fix a mistake that isnt mine, only you can fix a heart that you broke this much.." i left him and my dads stood at the bottom of the stairs shocked at what i'd just said. but the truth needed to come out, i couldnt hold it in any longer. i walked straight past my room and too the entrance of the attic. i pulled the door open and walked into the small closet space and up the wooden ladder. i got up there and sat next to the large window, i pulled my phone out contemplating my next move.. i pulled the escape the fate case off of my phone and let the silver blade fall into the palm of my hand, i rolled up the sleeves of my hoodie and removed my wristbands, breaking the most important promise i'd made not only to myself, but my father, to danny and to ben, to monte, to craig and to Tj.. i will never understand why breaking a promise to Tj meant so much, but it meant enough for me to drag myself out of the attic room and to my bathroom and try to stop the bleeding before i passed out. i managed to and found the large padded plasters i had for time like these. i patched my arm up and took the wristbands from my pocket, putting them back onto my throbbing wristbands. i pulled my sleeves back down and walked down to the kitchen in search of food..
listening to self destruct personality falling in reverse.
