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Aye so if u wanna cry listen to the song above, hopefully I can make this emotional enough where u can. Time to get in the feels ladies and gents! _________________________________
You know when you look at someone, and you get that sinking feeling? Like you know you're losing them...But you can't even control it. They're slipping away from you and all you can do is watch. You try and make it better, to work out the problems but it just wont...Work.
Well, that's how I feel about my boyfriend right now.
"Are you even listening to me? Jesus Christ y/n." Steve spoke coldly as I turned to him from my gaze from his bedside table. A Polaroid he had taken of us the night he told me he loved me. My eyes were crossed and I stuck out my tongue to the camera as he kissed my cheek. I bit my lip to stop the pressure of tears threatening to spill from my eyes.
"How am I supposed to talk to you if you don't give enough of a shit to listen?"
"I am listening."
"Then what did I say before?" I was silent at this, looking down at the floor instead of his eyes. I cringed at the cold scoff that escaped his lips.
"I don't wanna fight anymore Steve, I'm tired." I muttered as I rubbed my temples trying to soothe the oncoming headache.
"Sure, then let's just got to sleep and pretend it's all fine. Like we're not pissed at each other and everything's fine." To be truthful, I'm not even really sure what this fight is about. All of our arguments are seemingly blending together at this point.
"That's not what I'm saying St-"
"Okay then what are you saying?"
"That I'd like to finish a damn sentence without you interrupting me!" He narrowed his eyes at my sudden volume before continuing.
"Really? Well I'd like finish a day without arguing with you, or go to be without being pissed at you!"
"Oh, so it's my fault we're arguing?" I crossed my arms and stared down the taller boy in front of me. His eyes were narrowed with frustration and I recalled a time when they were once filled with adoration. Ignoring the pang in my chest at the thought.
"That's not what I'm saying!" He shouted slamming his hand on his desk, shaking everything on top of it. I jumped at his actions causing him to snap his head towards mine. He quickly took a step forward and I out of instinct took one back. Not that I thought he would ever touch me, but his fuming demeanor and sudden outburst surprised me.
"Y-you think I'm gonna hurt you? Y-you think I would ever do that?" He asked quietly. Brown eyes now soft and filled with worry...And pain, he was hurting more than I had ever seen before. He turned back towards the desk and wiped his eyes hurriedly with his sleeve. I saw anyway, I could always tell when he was hurting. It was one of the things he feared to show...Vulnerability. And although he had learned in the past two years of us being together, I found him sometimes struggling to show his emotions or put them into words. It frustrates him that he struggled to do so. But I was always patient. He ran his hands through his hair and down his face with a small sniffle. My heart broke at the sight and I swallowed the burning lump in my throat.
"I would never ever touch you. You do know that right?" He spoke softly. Almost as though he feared scaring me more.
"Of course Steve, I just got sc-"
"Scared? Of me?" He finished with a broken tone.
"No, no it's just my d-"
"Yeah, you're dad. You think I would ever hurt you like that?" He turned to me with bloodshot eyes and messy hair.
"It was just out of instinct, I-I'm sorry."
"What the hell are you sorry for? You didn't do anything...I-I lost my temper and I'm sorry. Don't ever apologize for something you can't control. Christ y/n what's wrong with us? Why is this happening? I feel like we're always fighting and angry with each other. I- I feel like I'm-"
"Losing me?" I finished as he attempted to wipe the tears streaming down his face whilst he spoke. He nodded slowly, dropping his gaze towards the Polaroid on his dresser. A small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth at the sight of the photo.
"A blue dress, your converse, and those small hoop earrings with straightened hair."
"What?"
"That's what you wearing...When I first saw you at the arcade. Tommy was talking about some stupid party we were supposed to go to that night, and all I could focus on was the beautiful girl across the street. And I had to go up to talk to her, even if she thought I was desperate or weird or annoying I had to just- talk to her." I smiled softly at his words and used the back of my hand to wipe the warm tears streaming down my face.
"I don't ever wanna lose you. Whatever is going on, whatever we go through...I don't ever wanna lose you." He whispered as he met my eyes again. Neither of us bothering to hold back the tears escaping our eyes. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and let out a small sob into his chest.
"I don't wanna lose you either." I mumbled as he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist. Both of us letting out shaky relieved breaths.
