Imagines by K

Groceries.

I took a deep breath making sure no one else heard as I pulled at my leather jacket and walked into the large shop. ‘It’s a holiday weekend,’ I told myself, ‘no way he’d be here.’ I mumbled as I raked my fingers through my hair debating which style looked best. Not only did my mind continuously scream he wasn’t worth it, deep down I knew it too. But a small spark inside of me kept faith that he had changed. That after the entire breakup he was still thinking of me. Remembering our late night conversations, or the way I’d whine that I was so much better at sports, when he’d just snort and prove me wrong. How he’d stroke my hair and sweep his fingers down my back just so he could tickle me every time we cuddled. And when our inside jokes popped into the conversation he’d throw his head back and flash me his big goofy smile.

I walked through the isles getting the necessities while avoiding the few items I knew would be in his section of the store. Again I swept my bangs back hoping they looked better this way. As I inched closer to the last isle –his isle- I could feel my hearts pace quicken. My palms becoming clammy as I tried to maintain proper breathing patterns. I lifted my head a little higher and took in a large breath before looking around the shelf.

‘He’s not worth it. Remember what he did to you. Just remember.’ My conscience repeated, sounding like a scratched record as I built up my courage to turn the corner.

My eyes started to picture memories instead of reality. I could see myself sitting on his bed. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my ear, nibbling on the lobe as he said he loved me. His voice was soft as he whispered it over and over again and rubbed his nose into my hair. I looked at the floor and giggled before he pushed me against his bed and climbed on top. He kissed my jaw and worked his way to my neck before stopping all together. His head lifted, the colour in his cheeks matching the skin that covered his bare stomach that pressed to my sweater.

“Linda.” He mumbled. “Beautiful, I want you to stay right here while I go to the bathroom.”  

He jumped up off of me and I watch as his joggers covered legs crossed the room and left. I noticed his phone light up as he received a new message. I checked the name and saw one that seemed a bit familiar.

Charlie - If you want me so bad why don’t you come and get me.

The phone read. I figured they were just some old friends or close family that like a little banter so I opened the chat and continued reading. My eyes started to fill with tears as I read the way they talked to one another. His lust filled messages conjured up many horrible, imaginary ideas. But one message carved itself into my head before I could look away.

“You fucked me so good last night.” He had sent to her.

I wiped a tear that slide down my cheek and left the phone on his nightstand as I ran out of the room. He ran into me and laughed before he noticed me pick myself up and continue running.

Before I could help it my eyes were tearing again but this time I could see the isles. The boxes of snacks and fruit covered walls. I made my way to his section and was glad to see it empty as I tried to contain myself. I walked right past where we first met without giving that spot a second look. I grabbed a carton of eggs and a bag of milk then raced to the checkout. My eyes had stopped tearing but I knew they were still watery. That was when I realized not being here was the only good thing he could have done for me.