Dawn

XIV

 © 2014 by Mpule Clarke/cheeky_gurl

Chapter 14

Dawn

My cuts healed over the weekend. I spent it with Daniel, eating cake and talking about nothing. We just ate and acknowledged each other.

I was good.

I ran my fingers over my bumpy arm when I walked into the hospital, giving Roxanne a small smile and a polite greeting as I signed in for the day.

"Have a good day Dawn," she smile brightly at me.

"You... too," I said carefully.

"Oh!" she called after me as I was about to head off to Dr. Olen "Dawn?"

"Yeah?" I turned around and she look flustered.

"Your birthday, it's Friday," she smiled at me "Right?"

I nodded slowly at this.

"Well, I was wondering you you'd like to go out for dinner before you're shipped off," she almost looked sad "Just you, Maia and I. You can invite your friend as well."

"Uh, sure," I stuttered. I knew who she was talking about and I wasn't going to invite him because he was already too close. I don't want him any closer.

Olen realised how unsettled I was so she had me doing the paper work lately.

I never thought about why I ever really volunteered at the hospital any way. I guess it's because it's the last place I ever saw my family. The last place I heard my mother's voice. Sighing I felt a slight weight being lifted from over my heart. Half way there.

I stepped out of Dr. Olen's office and wandered over to the children's ward, it was a slow day, she didn't really need me. I always loved the murals of the various cartoon characters. They seemed to be stuck in an endless joy. I guess it's a way to show the children and being stuck forever could be fun. Shuddering at the thought I stepped into the play area and noticed a crowd of children on the mat gathered around a guy in a lab coat sitting in a chair. His back was facing me but as I stepped closer I could hear him reading in an animated voice.

I didn't know he worked on the children's ward. I didn't know where he worked at all in fact, he could've been wearing a costume for all I knew. Destinyand her eyes lit up I gave her a nervous look then she literally jumped off of the floor and attacted me with her tiny arms. Her arms wrapped around my thighs and her head was pressed against my stomach. It took a lot to not topple over. Thank the heavens I have a low centre of gravity.

"Um, The End. I guess," Daniel was turned in his chair facing and giving me a questioning look.

"I didn't know you worked here," I returned the quizzical glance.

"Well, I sort of have the coat and I'm always here..."

"No. Duh. I thought you were stalking me, Because I'm a narcissist and enjoy thinking other people obsess over me as well," I said dryly giving him a flat look.

He did something between a raised eyebrow and a wince. It was meant to be harsh.

"I meant at children's ward! Jesus, you're like a freaking puppy," I said exasperated at how he reacted.

"Bullocks."

I just shrugged and walked over to the rug where the children were sitting some of them I knew-children of the nurses and doctors playing with the patients and patients who were here long term-others were probably new patients from the paediatric oncology unit-new as in well enough to be about-and the temporary patients who usually stayed for a week or less.

When I sat down their eyes swarm to me and they began chattering at me, there were about twenty of them and I only picked up small words and phrase.

"...pretty!"

"I love your..."

"Is that..."

"Are you guys dating?" I heard that one, not because of the context, because of the other children repeating it.

"Oh um.." Daniel stuttered I looked up at him and notice his face was flushed and his eyes were already on me.

"We are friends," my eyes never left his when I said this, I wasn't smiling either, But he seemed relieved "Read us a story."

And he did.

Funny thing Cinderella and I have in common: she ran away only to be found; I ran away to be anything but found. She was my foil.

How can I not be able to know if he was my Daniel or not? I feel pretty stupid by the fact that I can't. I feel frustrated because nothing fits together, or at least, in my head it doesn't. It was probably side effects of depression? selective memory, denial. I never put uch thought into it but as I lay here in my bed in the middle of the night staring at my ceiling I'm becoming to realise.

Maybe the only reason I don't know that Daniel isn't my Daniel is because I don't want him to be.

I don't want to love him again.