Crap

Even More Quotes!

The person who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Without me, it's just aweso.

I pretend idiots are intellectuals being extremely sarcastic... and the world is suddenly a better place.

Out of my mind, back in five minutes!

I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every moment of it!

Do you ever get that feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop.

If you're going to act like a turd, the least you could do is go lay in the yard.

The shit you hear about me might be true. But then again, it might be as fake as the bitch who told you.

The world is going to chaos and I am driving the bus.

I have CDO. It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order... as they should be.

I hate being bipolar. It's fantastic!

We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up... right after I finish dying of laughter.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

The best feeling is waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you still have hours to sleep.

You're a great friend, but if zombies are ever chasing us, I'm tripping you.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door!

Hardest job ever: working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self-control needed.

Bitch, please, I will DJ at your funeral.

I hate when a shower has only two options: third degree burns, or skinny-dipping in Antarctica.

If I've ticked you off today, I'm sorry. If I haven't, take a number and I'll be with you shortly.

Okay, okay, I'm serious now. *long pause*... *bursts out laughing*

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive TWICE.

Talking about how annoying the kids in the grade below you are, but convincing yourself you never acted like that last year.

Hi! I'm a human being, what are you?

Sparkles are always running through my mind, because they don't dare walk.

I enjoy long romantic walks........ to the fridge.

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

I didn't fall, the floor just needed a hug!

I hate when websites ask, "Are you a human?" ... "No, I'm a freaking vacuum!"

Dear milk, you make me wet. Sincerely, cereal.

Everytime I see somebody type a word wrong, I look down at my keyboard and see how close the letter is to the letter that's supposed to be there to find out if it is socially acceptable to have typed that word wrong.

You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.

Lying in bed, replaying a conversation in your head, and thinkingn of what you should've said instead.

Isn't it funny how red, white, and blue represent freedom... until they're flashing behind you.

I bet we could explore the galaxy... if only we could stop being bitches for like, five minutes.