Crap

Running Out of Titles Here...

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

Dear finger, you turn me on. Sincerely, light switch.

You seem to confuse the phrase "You're so amazing and I love you! Thanks for existing and making this world a better place," with "Die, bitch."

It's amazing how much faster you type when you're angry.

In a restaurant, I always finish my drink before the food comes.

Let's eat Grandma.
Let's eat, Grandma.
Commas save lives.

"Hey mom." "WHAT?!" "Never mind, you're not in a good mood.

When my name's in a math problem in class... *everyone stares at me* Yeah bitches, that's right, I bought 80 watermelons!

When someone accuses me of not texting back... "Sorry, I was having a conversation with my mother about toasters. Very important stuff."

I scroll through my newsfeed when I'm bored.

Some may call it Valentine's Day. I call it Thursday.

After my mom says no, I ask my dad.

OMG wrong person! Cancel. Cancel! Cancel!!!! CANCEL!! *message sent* Kill me now. -_-

No matter how old you are, not being able to find your mom in the super market causes extreme panic.

"Dude, your parents are so awesome!" "It's because YOU'RE here!"

I cannot keep mouthwash in my mouth for the recommended 30 seconds.

That awkward moment when a guy accidentally hits your boob.

Happiness starts with: one word, one joke, one text, one phone call, one song one hug, one kiss, and stops with one mistake.

I may not be the girl that everyone wants, but at least I'm not the girl that everyone's had.

Children must always wear a seatbelt... unless you put fifty of them in one giant yellow vehicle.

When I don't look out my window at night: 1% I'm afraid of the dark and 99% I'm afraid I'll see a face looking at me.

If I text you "Heyy :)" and you reply "hi" I am done talking to you.

*looking at graffiti*
Some people: That's vandalism!
Others: That's art!
Me: How the hell did they get up there?

If my alarm is set for 6:00 and you wake me up at 5:56, prepare. To. Die.

"Pahaha your zipper's down!" "Why were you looking there?" "..."

That awkward moment when you make eye contact with the same person like five times.

Watching an animated movie from your childhood, and finally understanding all the dirty jokes.

I got a dig bick.
You that read wrong.
You read that wrong too.

Forget all the reasons why it won't work and strive for the one reason it will.

A/N- So I just updated a few days ago or something, but I wanted to update again with just a few quotes. This is very, very short, but I hope you like them anyway! Vote, comment, recommend! :D <3 It's dedicated to miss_terious because she made me a really awesome cover! You guys won't see it for awhile because I don't post stories until I finish them usually. But it's amazing, and if you need a cover, definitely talk to her. Also, her story, "From Nerd to Jerk" is awesome! Definitely go FAN (I refuse to start saying follow, following, followers, etc) her. :)