Crap

If life isn't a game, then why are there so many players?

If you die in an elevator, just hope you're going up.

One by one, bananas are slowly taking your sanity.

I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chips is the main reason I have trust issues.
 
Love me or hate me; your opinion won't make me or break me.

Sometimes, the grass isn't greener on the other side. Sometimes, the grass is greener where you water it. 

It doesn't matter what they think you were, what you will be, or what you are. All that matters is what I think. And I think you shine like a star.

Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain.

Sometimes I squat on the floor, put my arms around my knees, and lean forward... because that's how I roll.

Weak men wait for opportunities. Strong men make them.

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

Don't walk in front of me, for I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, for I may not lead. Walk beside me, and be my friend.

Good wood does not grow with ease. The stronger the wind, the stronger the trees.

We go together like copy and paste.

Life is what happens when we were making other plans.

Letters start with ABC, numbers start with 123, music starts with do re mi, and love starts with you and me.

Can I tie your shoes, because I don't want you falling for anybody else.

We're all a little weird, and life is weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with our own, we join up with them. And call it love- true love.

Everyone's a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.

Humor is simply tragedy standing on its head with its pants ripped, mooing like a cow.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

A man is already half-way in love with any woman who puts up with him.

If you can't take me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.

Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship? Never.

Before I met him, I'd never fallen in love. I'd only stepped in it a few times.

It's useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office.

Love is much like a rose. You must water it, and sometimes get pricked by thorns.

Love is being stupid together.

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.