Finding My World ( A Ninja Turtle Fanfiction) {EDITING}

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Trinitie's P.O.V

Mac left us on December 5. I didn't even get to spend Christmas with her. It was now fifteen days later, December 20. Donnie was working in his lab, trying to make a watch to show the appearance of a human.

I was getting ready to go Christmas shopping with April, dressing warm in Donnie's hoodie. Ever since he let me use it, I haven't given it back. It was so comfortable.

I found where I had stuffed the money that my dad had gotten me, and counted it up to a total of two thousand, six hundred and thirty five dollars. I don't know who would actually keep that much money in their wallet.

Oh yeah me.... and my dad apparently.

I was dressed in Donnie's hoodie, black skinny jeans, and my different colored converse. Of course they were red with green laces and green with red laces. A black and grey striped beanie was perched on top of my head, the icon of a skull on the side of it. No make up painted my face, and I had in some Christmas tree earrings in my ears.

You could say that I loved Christmas.

I did miss Halloween, which is actually my favorite holiday, so I wanted to go all out on this one.

Ever since Mac left, Donnie had been doing all kinds of things with me to get my mind off of it. He had caught me trying to cut myself once.

I walked into Donnie's room, thinking about Mac once more. Donnie had been forced to train, because he had been skipping it to make sure I was okay. It's very sweet of him. I had been excused.

I look through his drawers to find the knife I knew he used to cut himself with. Maybe he still does, because there is some dried blood on the sides, but he wouldn't do that. Hopefully.

Sitting down on the bed, I looked at the blade. It's your fault that Mac's parents are gone. It's your fault they get killed, something said to me.

If you hadn't gone home with Mac and went to your own house, she wouldn't have gotten kidnapped with you.

If you had just stayed at TCRI, then they wouldn't have targeted her.

If I had done those things she would be happy with her life, be happy with her family, who would still be alive.

It's your fault.

It's your fault.

It's your fault.

It's your fault.

It's my fault.

I stared at the knife in my hands. Was I brave enough to do this? Was I faking depression, or wanting attention?

Your weak.

Always crying.

Never doing anything for yourself.

Weak.

I was weak.

The pain inside of me needed to go away.

The only way for that to happen is to do it.

Put the blade on your skin.

Cut it.

Just as I was about to do what the voice was commanding, Donnie bursted into the room, hot and sweaty. Once he saw me, he froze, than ran over to me and ripped the knife from my hands, slamming it on the ground, successfully smashing it.