just your bestfriend [shalt]

70

Dear Shu,

So much has happened. 

I talked to Free this morning, and I brought you with me cause personally, I was scared. Free has anger issues. Like, actual proper issues. His eyes go all golden, not at all dull, and it scares me. But then he told me he was just scared of losing me because...he loved me.

He kissed me.

And when he kissed me, I could tell that he didn't really mean it. His love for me, I mean. It was there alright, but it was just different. I know I'm not one to talk, though. To be honest, I didn't really mean it when I kissed him back.

But it just distracted me, relieved me of my problems, you know? Gosh, now it sounds like a drug or something. But the kiss really did take my mind off things, and Free's mind as well probably. That's probably why the kiss was so full of passion. Because we are so desperate for our problems to be gone. Because I was so desperate that I never loved you in the first place.

When we stopped, you were gone. I knew you would never wait for me, though, but I still feel hurt. I don't know why. Maybe a small part of me wished that it was you I was dating. But...that will never happen. 

Again, in class, I was distracted. Different from last time, though. I wasn't spaced out, but rather jumpy. It was weird. I guess I was just thinking about the kiss so much. I'm so confused. Part of me, a part that I've tricked, loves Free. The other smaller part, still secretly hopes for your love, but I know it's impossible. 

Free seems triumphant over the fact that he's convinced that we're forever. I won't lie, I'm pretty convinced as well. He won't stop boasting it, even after the incident at lunch.  Apparently Lui did ran away. Ran out of school by jumping over the fence. Maybe there was something going on between Free and him. But that has to be put in the past now, right?

Just like my crush for you.

From,

Valt

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