Sanders~ Book 2

36. Thomas

"Roman..." My eyes went wide and I started to freak out. "Shit... no no no no..." Virgil watched me with confusion as I started to pace. "I left him... GOD, I AM SO FUCKED!"

"Thomas?" His voice was deep and I froze. "What did you do?" I could feel the panic rise in me again as it started to get hard to breathe. Virgil's eyes went wide as I clutched my shirt trying so hard to calm down. I am so stupid. How could I just leave him there? I brought him here and I abandoned him. I abandoned him just like... He's going to end up hurt just like... GOD DAMN IT! "Thomas?" I shook my head as I gripped my hair trying to calm my thoughts. I just have to think about this. They won't kill Roman right? I can't even assume they found him. Roman's strong... r-right? This isn't the same. It's not... It's... "THOMAS!" I looked up to see this worried look and I frowned in confusion. He had grabbed my shoulders, probably to get my attention.

"I'm sorry... W-What... uh... I-I don't..." I choked out past the headache that began to build and Virgil sighed in relief. "What's wrong?"

"You had me scared, ya jackass." I couldn't help but smile a little as he punched my arm playfully. "Now... What was that about Roman?" And just like that, the smile was gone. He's going to hate me. Who am I kidding? He already hates me. He's going to kill me. "Thomas focus..." I snapped out of my thoughts again and frowned.

"Roman... I uh... I really don't know how to explain what happened to him, Dean. I-I just saw him drop a-and his body was trying to collapse into himself." Virgil narrowed his eyes ad I started to get anxious again. "They said he was channeling your pain and R-Roman..."

"Wait, They?" I nodded and I could see the anger in him. "Who?"

"Deceit and Patton." His eyes went wide and I awkwardly rubbed my neck. "Anyway... Roman wouldn't let me come here alone."

"Deceit, Patton, and Roman all knew about you. They spoke with you? When did that..."

"VIRGIL, YOU NOT GRASPING WHAT I'M TELLING YOU!" I snapped and he flinched. Of course, the guilt came back tenfold and I stumbled backward to try to put distance between us. I really shouldn't have come back here. "Roman is here... A-And I..."

"What happened?"

"I DON'T KNOW." I hugged my self tightly like I was trying to hold myself together and Virgil just watched with a soft expression. As if... As if he understood what was happening. "I panicked... I think. I had another episode. I haven't had one in decades... but seeing this place... I couldn't take it." He took a step closer as I just stared at the floor. "I mean... The screams... the.. the blood... the guilt." I looked up as the tears fell again and I smiled a sad and broken smile. Virgil just watched with concerned understanding. "One minute I was standing at the gate with Roman and the next..."

"You were in a closet." I nodded and he sighed running a hand through his hair. "Damn it, Roman!"

"Wait why are you mad at him? I'm the one..."

"... who had a pstd attack. How can I blame you for that?" I narrowed my eyes and looked away.

"That's not what I was going to say and you know it." His eyes went dark as I took a deep breath, hugging myself tighter. "Shouldn't you be trying to kill me right now?"

"Again why would I do that? It was my fault."

"TO HELL IT WAS!" He flinched again as I took a step forward in guilt-ridden anger. "You were the victim, Virgil."

"You were starving."

"I attacked your family."

"You were angry."

"I TURNED YOU!"

"You were lonely."

"I NEARLY KILLED AEMILA!" His eyes darkened again as I slumped against the wall. "I nearly killed your sister because I was so lost in the rage I didn't even remember she was there. I wanted to protect you both. And I failed... you both."

"You weren't in control." I scoffed and looked up to see this sad look in his eyes. "You're the one that turned her, weren't you?"

"I couldn't let her die. But... Seeing the person she became... She suffered too long with that pain, Dean." He didn't bother to try to make me feel better. He just stood there watching me and I sighed. I scoffed again as I looked around. "Here we are fighting about fault and Romans out there somewhere."

"He's alive." I narrowed my eyes and Virgil smiled. "I would have felt if he wasn't."

"That's not the point..." He just laughed as he started to walk off. I was completely dumbfounded. "Virgil?!"

"Well, Hurry up. I have a boyfriend to save."

"So that's what I missed?" I smiled a bit as Roman held close to Virgil and I smiled.

"More or less. You missed the part where Thomas freaked out over Dark and Anti." Virgil started to laugh and I groaned. 

"I did not freak out over those demons..." Virgil raised an eyebrow and I frowned. "Ok I may have freaked but I was concerned about you." Virgil punched my arm lightly and Roman narrowed his eyes.

"Awe, that's sweet of you to be worried about my boyfriend." I rolled my eyes as Virgil continued to laugh. He was acting like we were best friends still. But... You can't forgive what I did. Even if a vampires rage is... Well, monstrous. Even if we don't have full control... even if we most of the time we black out and just... We still have to take responsibility... Right? I just don't understand. I thought he would...

"Thomas?"