Sanders~ Book 2

24. Roman

So... Thomas brought me to a library... To use a computer? He started typing things in and I'm lost. No I mean I am literally lost. I walked off to find something and I got turned around. I would be lying if I said I was alright. I'm not. When Thomas started searching things up I started feeling sick. Actually no... I've been sick for the past 2 days. What happened was a flare-up. I started to shake as he started to do whatever it was he was doing. Then everything started to get dizzy. Then I was light headed and nauseous. It wasn't long before I realized what was happening. I ran off before Thomas could notice something was wrong. I managed to find it, finally, just as my knees gave out and I fell to the floor of the bathroom clutching my stomach in pain. 

Hold it in, Roman. You just have to hold on. After this war is over things will go back to normal. So just hold on...

I just made it in time to the toilet before upchucking all the fake blood in my system. The rancid smell of bad blood filled the room and I had to choke back another wave of nausea. It's fine... It's going to be fine. You'll just try again later ok, Roman.

"Roman, are you ok in there?" I narrowed my eyes at the sound of Thomas's voice coming through the door and I groaned quickly flushing the toilet before trying to stand up. It didn't work I fell right back to the floor dizzy as all hell. "Roman?"

"I'm good..." I forced out through the haze. Another bout of nausea and I found myself once again doubled over the toilet. I hate this so much.

"Roman I smell blood..."

"I AM FINE!" Pain tore through me as I flushed the toilet again and I just laid there on the tiled floor holding back the tears. I am starving... But unable to eat those pouches Patton makes. I don't understand it. Logan said something about it being too impure. That I was too strong a vampire and what not that my body can't handle the impurities of the pouches. I don't get it. I just want to eat... but every time I do I end up throwing it all back up. It's this unending bout of food poisoning.

"Roman..." I looked up to see the bathroom door opened and I frowned. I groaned as I sat myself up just as Thomas walked in. He took one look at me and smiled sadly. "What's wrong?"

"I told you, I'm..." I covered my mouth just as another wave of nausea hit me. I really don't want to throw up again. The smell is horrible.

"Roman, talk to me what's..." Pain flared up as my body ached in hungry. It's always something. My body is regreting the pouches and begging for blood. It's just never-ending pain. "Roman."

"I'm fine. I'm just... a bit sick." I tried to laugh it off. He was taking it. In fact, the look he had on his face was one of anger and guilt. I narrowed my eyes as he looked away. "What?"

"You're starving, aren't you?" I laughed although it was a broken one and he cringed. "Roman..."

"I told you I'm..." Back to the toilet I go. Thomas jumped up to help but I waved him off as the nausea finally died down. I'm pretty sure it all out of my system now. I groaned falling back onto the ground as Thomas decided he would flush it for me. I watched as he walked over to get a paper towel and dampened it before handing over to me. "Thanks."

"That was blood. Why are you throwing up blood?" His voice was quiet and laced with concern but I could hear how stiff his voice came out.

"It's not blood... not really. Pa-Patton uh... He makes these pouches." His eyes narrowed as I covered my eyes with one of my arms trying to stop the room from spinning. "He uses blood from the blood bags to make these pouches. Think of it like NA Beer. Each can has a tiny bit of alcohol in it. Not enough to get drunk on but enough to satisfy... I think. Anyway, it's like that."

"So why are you throwing it up?" I narrowed my eyes as he sat down beside me.

"Because for some god damn reason my body rejects it. And Patton fucked up my supply..." I moved my arm and looked over to see him giving me this look and I sighed. "That's why he asked you for more... At least that's what he told me. But I wouldn't let him give it to me. I'm the only one affected like this. He should focus on the others. They need blood too."

"Roman you're starving yourself though." He looked away as if remembering something bad and I frowned. "Your body isn't taking whatever those pouches are so they aren't satisfying anything. You're not getting what you need..."

"I'll be fine..."

"Roman, I know what it's like to starve." I froze up hearing the intense pain in his voice. His voice had even cracked. He looked away again and I sat myself up feeling more than a bit concerned. We don't really know each other but I can tell he's not a bad person. Besides if we really are family I'm not just gonna up and leave him if he's about to start crying. "I-I've been there. Not being able to eat. The pain... t-the lack of control." My thoughts instantly went to Virgil. He had starved too. He lost control and started wondering the streets unable to get home. If it wasn't for the fact that I let him bite me... I have no clue what would have happened. Thomas took a deep breath before he started to fidget with his fingers. "I saved this kid... guy from being attacked by another vampire. But... In doing so I alerted the hunters that we were there. We couldn't hunt. None of us could... So I ended up starving myself thinking that it would all get better eventually. It never did. I ended up losing control... I still don't understand..." His voice broke again as he chocked back some tears. "I did something that even to his day... 215 years later, I can't forgive myself for. I hurt someone I loved." He shot me this look of pure seriousness and it was like my blood went cold. "Don't do what I did. Whatever it is you need to eat, eat it. Eat it and feel guilty later because the guilt you'll feel from that will be a hell of a lot less than the guilt of hurting someone you love. Trust me, Roman."

"And here I thought we were gonna find out if we were family or not." His eyes softened as he started to smile sadly just sitting there shaking his head.

"As far as I'm concerned, Roman. We already are."