roses » cth [au]

XVI » confessions

chapter sixteen • confessions

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"Are you okay?" Calum asked looking to the side quickly then looking back at the road.

"I don't know," I shrugged looking out the window, "I hate college. I don't want to go back." I groaned.

"Is that why you're sad?"

"No," I said, "I was pretty rude to Luke yesterday, and I don't know if he's okay... Like... I don't know. He's always there for me and he needed me yesterday but instead I told him to fuck off... I feel awful."

Calum parked in the university, "It's okay, Luke and you are great friends, you'll be fine."

Calum and I sat in the parkway for a while, just listening to radio softly. Honestly, I was scared to death. This was going to be my first day back, and I wasn't sure if people had known I attempted suicide. And, of course, teachers are notified about these kind of stuff, and you get treated differently. Either you get treated like a useless, melodramatic teen, or as a teen who's too emotionally unstable to even leave the classroom alone. I'd been through it all before, the constant, 'Are you okay?' 'Are you sure?' 'Are you really sure?' And even if most of those not a bit of me was 'okay', I'd have to apply one of infamous fake smiles and claim to be perfectly fine. The worst part is, they knew about me, and my antidepressants and my self harming, and everything, they knew everything. So they'd assume they'd always have to check up on me. And they didn't understand that sometimes I just wanted to be left alone, I didn't want anyone to talk to, or sympathize with me, I just wanted to be alone.

That's what I feared was going to happen here.

Calum and I walked together to the cafeteria, quickly spotting the rest. We took our seats next to Michael, Cianna, and Ashton, and we were all together, once again. Except for Luke.

Everyone in the table was talking about the stupidest things, except me, I was so worried, I didn't feel like talking at all. Calum being the only one who noticed. And maybe Ashton, he kept towards me every now and then sending me small smiles.

Michael and Cianna were talking about pizza and this new video game they wanted to buy. Also how Cianna told about how her and Michael have this new found love for each other.

I pulled out my phone as I couldn't help be extremely worried about Luke.

To: Lukey :)<3

Luke?

From: Lukey :)<3

What?

To: Lukey :)<3

Where are you?

From: Lukey :)<3

Fuck off.

To: Lukey :)<3

...Are you drunk again?

From: Lukey :)<3

No.

To: Lukey :)<3

Are you coming to Uni?

From: Lukey :)<3

No.

To: Lukey :)<3

Are you okay?

From: Lukey :)<3

When have I ever been fucking okay?

To: Lukey :)<3

Luke tell me whats wrong?

I sent that biting on my nails nervously. Ten minutes had passed and he still hadn't read the message and that drove me crazy. Calum had realised and I showed him all the messages. He hugged me tightly and tried to reassure me Luke would be okay, but Luke wasn't okay.

The bell for the classes rung and I went to Art, where of course Luke wasn't there. Music, he wasn't there. Math, he wasn't there. History, he wasn't there. English, he wasn't there. The rest of the day he wasn't there, not that I'd expect him to be. But I was too worried to focus in any of the classes, all the teachers told me to go after class to pick up the missed work from the days I was out, which I ended up not doing.

Instead I ended up rushing home with Calum to find Luke. As I arrived, I saw that Michael was in the lobby getting his mail. His eyes shot towards me and kind of widened. "Ella!"

"Do you know where Luke is?" I asked nerviously.

"No... But there's something I need to tell you."

"Not now," I said going to the elevator, but Michael grabbed my wrist not letting me leave.

"You've been saying not now since yesterday," Michael said and I could sense the annoyance in his voice.

"Yes, I know, I ju-" I started saying before Michael cut me off.

"Ella, I sent the fucking roses."

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author's note

michael u wut

all the recent chapters have been v v v short im sorry i blame school

but wow one day early on updating yes omf i cant come on tomorrow so heres this

comment or i'll find you + murder you :)

i thought of a really dramatic plot twist for this story and omf like v v v big plot twist

but like i kinda feel bad for ella bc her life has been so tough these last few chapter i wanna give her a break lmao

although a different plot twist is happening in the next or in the one after the next sp expect that

also expect to that one huge plot twist to happen after like five more chapters possibly idk maybe

thats it til next tuesday my friends <3 x