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chapter ten • therapy

WARNING: so much stuff idek lella calla aka my otp's idek idek also kinda important authors note idk x

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I fluttered my eyelids open, as my eyes quickly traveled around the room trying to digest my surroundings. My mind was a blank, and I couldn't grasp any solid memories of what had happened last night. Of course, I didn't forget everything, I knew I had talked with Michael, I knew what he had told me. I just couldn't figure out how I ended up in a hospital, with tubes attached to my arms.

My eyelids felt heavier than usual, and I felt overall weaker. I tried to sit up straight but the pain shot through my body, I squeezed my eyes shut tight to try to ignore the pain running through up my legs, arms, and stomach. I took deep slow breaths, looking around the room once more.

In the far left corner of the room I saw Luke, sitting down on the floor, his head buried in his arms, I heard him snoring softly. I looked down to find a hand laced together with mine. I followed the hand all the way up to see Calum, staring intently at my face. His eyes were bloodshot and swollen, and the bags under them were prominent and dark. Calum's cheeks were stained with dried tears, which were presently being replaced with new tears. His hair was messy, and his sweater was wrinkled.

"You're awake... You're awake! You're awake!" Calum said his voice getting louder as he repeated himself. "Ella, you're awake." He smiled wiping away a few tears. He kissed my forehead, cheek, hands, arms, neck, and then he kissed my lips, backing away quickly. "I'm sorry... I just, you're awake, Ella. Please, please never leave me. I was so scared," Calum said more tears stinging his eyes.

"Don't apologize," I said reffering to the kiss, I wanted it. "But... Why am I in here? What happened?"

Calum sat back in his seat and sighed. "The doctor said you might not remeber... Ella, you tried to kill yourself. And almost succeeded." He said wiping a tear away.

Suddenly, it all came back. All the memories of that night. It came back in flashes, I remembered falling down various times. Me screaming pounding on the sink because the pills weren't working flashed into my memory. I remember how it felt, how weird it felt to have no control over my body. The only sense I had left were feeling and hearing. I remembered most of what Calum and Luke had said to me before I blacked out. And I remembered all of what I wanted to tell Calum before I blacked out. I intended on telling him, all of it.

"Calum, maybe right now isn't the right time but I want to be with you. I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I couldn't because, well it was too late. I wanted to tell you I felt the exact same way. I wanted to tell you that I want to hold your hand, and see you smile, and hug you, and kiss you, and I really do want to be with you. I wanted to apologise for putting you through so much bullshit, and-and I wanted to assure you I'd never leave you... But I had already left.." I confessed wiping a tear of my own away. Somehow, almost dying made me realise how much I did love Calum. Maybe I wasn't in love with Calum, of course not yet. But I did love him. In a way I hadn't loved anyone else before.

He smiled, a genuine smile, and his eyes brightened, although they were still crimson and swollen. He opened his mouth, as if he was going to say something, but he soon shut it. He gave my hand a soft squeeze and kissed my forehead. "I-I need to call the nurse and tell her you're finally awake. I'll be right back."

"Finally? What do you mean finally? How long have I been here?" I asked as a puzzled expression formed on my face. I stared out the window, it was dark, the stars were shining, and I could see the moon. I assumed it was Sunday night, since I remembered when I attempted it was Sunday afternoon, I assumed I'd only been out for a couple hours.