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XI » 3:21am

chapter eleven • 3:21am

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The nurse came in, "The psychiatrist is ready, Mrs. McVey."

"Shit..." I whispered lowly as Luke and I both stood up. Fuck. Damn. Shit. Why did Luke have to kiss me? Calum had to know, I had to tell him, right? Calum is just so jelous and we just got together and I already kind of cheated on him. God, I suck so much. Luke's expression dropped, he frowned and nodded. "Luke, uh, bye.."

"Follow me," The nurse said turning around. I waved a goodbye to Luke and he waved back, still frowning.

I wanted so much to make everyone happy, but that's not possible. Making everybody happy would be being Calum's girlfriend, Luke's girlfriend, and Michael's girlfriend all at the same time so they'd be happy. Also, it'd mean not being Calum's girlfriend so Cianna would be happy. It was impossible, and kind of disgusting. Making myself happy was a priority. If I didn't want to be a mess of sadness and anger anymore, and although that wouldn't change soon, I knew to be happier sometimes I'd have to put my best interests over others.

That's were Calum came in. He was what was best for me. He truly cared about me and it showed through his actions. He voluntarily stayed with, awake for more than forty eight hours. Of course, he could be a major dick sometimes but behind his jelousy he did care. He made me happy, I made him happy. Calum was the best person for me to be with right now, and I was planning to stay with him.

"Here we go," The nurse said opening a door and motioning me to go in. "I'll come back when it's over."

Bullshit your way through this, I reminded myself, You're not going to a mental hospital.

"Ms. McVey, I'm Dr. Torres, lets see what we have here," The psychiatrist said flipping through papers. "Okay, attempted overdose, self harm scars, major depression, that's it..."

I nodded.

"Tell me, why did you attempt suicide?" Dr. Torres asked holding a notepad.

"I don't know... I was sad I guess. I'd never do it again." Bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit.

"Good to hear. So you say you regret it?" He asked and I nodded quickly, making it seem as I regretted it more than I did. "Why do you regret it?"

Damn, I didn't prepare for this one. I stayed silent trying to this of an excuse before I found one. "I regret it because, well many reasons. For one, my boyfriend, Calum, I could never leave him. He's my everything. Two, attempting opened my eyes... I now realise life is so beautiful and I still have so much to see and to learn, so many people to meet... It was a bad idea." I mentally laughed, the only part of that that was true was the Calum part. I'd still kill myself if given the chance. Maybe right now, I wasn't as eager to do it as before, but give me a gun, and I'll point it at myself and pull the trigger without a second thought.

"True, you have so much to live for. It's good that you realise that, we won't have many problems. Tell me about Calum. Is he the blonde boy?" Dr. Torres asked.

I shook my head, "He's the brown hair, brown eyes boy." The doctor motioned me to keep talking, and I did. "He's the sweetest boy you'll ever meet, but he can get sassy. He gets jelous easily... And quickly acts upon his jelousy, but he does it out of love. So, he can be a dick sometime but he's the most caring boy you'll ever meet. He's always there if you need him, anytime of day. Oh, he's talented! He plays bass and he sings... He has the voice of an angel. He weird in a good way. He's annoying, but you never get annoyed of him, if that makes sense."

"You seem to really love him." He said and I couldn't hold back a goofy smile.

"I do."

"I can tell he really loves you too." Dr. Torres said, I grinned even wider and we continued. "Moving on to... Self-harm. Why do you do it? Do you still do it?"