Cult

24: Choosing Ω

"Why do you want to own me?" I ask quietly. I glance at the handprint on my butt cheeks. Harry blinks a few times, as if trying to erase his thoughts. He looks into my eyes a moment, then down the length of my body.

"I'm sorry," he breathes.

"For what?" I raise a brow, wanting him to specify everything he should apologize for.

"I-I don't know how to explain it, Kitty, but I want you here with me. I want to pleasure you, to satisfy you, but it makes me feel worthless to know that you could give two shits less about me. You still care about Zayn..." his voice catches at the end. I step closer to him.

"I've never truly been in love with anyone, Harry."

Harry's eyes brighten momentarily. Then he casts his gaze downward.

"I don't have the capacity to fall in love with someone. It takes so much commitment, so much effort and willpower to fight for one person...Besides, I don't deserve to be loved. My own mother didn't even love me."

I look down, feeling embarrassed and semi awkward telling Harry these things and using the word 'love'...

Harry tilts my chin up and cradles my face in his hands.

"Don't you dare say that, Kitty. A guy would be insane not to feel something for you.... to-to resist wanting you, and not just sexually, emotionally..."

"You resisted it. It didn't seem too hard," I mumble. I'm not sure if I'm bitter or relieved or both. I can't be both. 

Harry looks down and laughs. "Blue eyes," he searches my eyes. "When she's blue, she's so clear like the sky, beautiful, fall for her like rain drops, take her face and kiss it like a baby rose petal blossoming," he whispers.

I stare at him. Is he reciting a song lyric?

"When she's green, angry, upset, punish her, take her roughly and have her soft flesh beneath you, mark her crimson over and over and over," he says, gazing down at my bruised wrists.

"Harry--"

"So what will it be?" he asks.

"I don't understand..."

What did he just tell me? Some kind of an old saying? A poem? A song?

Harry's dimple pop in his cheeks as he awaits my answer. He has created some cryptic code and my answer probably has some double meaning to him.

"Neither," I say.

Harry's dimples disappear as his lip softens into a slight frown.

"I want to go to my room, please," I tell him. Harry grits his jaw and tightens his grip around my wrist. Then he sighs and lets go. I turn for the door.

Someone opens the door the moment I'm about to leave. 
"Are you ok? I heard screaming earlier," Niall gasps. He sounds as though he just ran a marathon.

Harry glares at him. "What the hell do you want? Get out of my room."

"I'm fine, Niall, thank you for checking on me," I say.

Niall avoids Harry and walks up to me. "Are you sure, Kitty?"

"Yes, I was just leaving anyway," I tell him. Harry reaches for my hand softly.

"Stay the night," Harry blurts.

I turn slightly. 

"What? I can't stay. That's not in the rules. Plus, I'm choosing a new man tomorrow," I remind him.  Harry's eyes grow soft and he closes his mouth, biting down on his lip before speaking hurriedly.