Chasing the Addiction

Mixing the Problems

"I begin to assemble what weapons I can find,

'Cuz sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I look back on those storybooks I read as a child;

The kind that mention witches constructing potions by putting ingredients together in one huge pot then stirring it all up

Creating something magical with simple everyday items, altering life and the way it operates

It seems fun, right?

But when you mix together various forms of drugs, now that's when the fun really starts

I'm all about exploring and searching, in fact I'm beginning to crave it

Not necessarily the drugs, I'm addicted to trying new things

I yearn to be free

My mind is beginning to scare the living daylight out of me

It's taking me to places I never thought I'd dare venture in

Dragging me on the wildest ride of my life

It's tying a noose around my thoughts and forcing me to follow like a dog on a leash

Part of me wants to refuse

But the scariest part of it all is most of me wants to accept

I'm beginning to make promises to myself that I'll never keep

For example someday soon I'll remain clean for the day

(Yeah right)

My biggest fears aren't even those of death anymore

It's of my mind falling with the noose tightly gripped around it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I awake to the beautiful sunlight streaming through the window

Opportunities arise for me to make the day count

While the birds chirping outside remind me of how hopeful life can be

A new day; more wonderful surprises

Ah, but today will be different

I can feel it

With Andrew's sheets cascading around my naked body and his heavy arm draped over my figure

I decide today is the day I remain clean

Maybe get some housework done, or talk to my friends and assure them once again that I'm fine

All these optimistic plans sprout into my thoughts like a blossoming flower

But as soon as Andrew wakes up and decides we're mixing our drugs today that flower quickly withers and dies

Replaced by those dark thoughts that once again can't seem to exit

Temptation can be a dangerous thing to mess with

Unless you just give in

~~~~~~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two hours later and I'm being pushed gently through blissful waves

Each one growing harsher yet calmer; a strange combination

My mind is fully opened now

Behind my eyelids are another world, one they will never know of

I'm becoming colder on the inside

Way too cold for beautiful flowers to grow

I was

joyful

enchanted

floating

flying

and lastly euphoric

Two tabs of LSD rested on my tongue, a pure shot of her in my veins and calming pills in my stomach

They warn you against mixing your drugs

They also leave out that tiny detail of how amazing it feels

If there's a world I can be trapped in right now, it would be this one

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do me a favor and don't mix your damn drugs, kids. Don't make the mistake. Don't risk your life. Or do it and see what happens. Rest in peace Ashley, you were a good friend and a victim of combining drugs. It can happen and it will.

 

Loves,

 

~angel~