Chasing the Addiction

I Guess This is Why

"I sometimes wonder why I even bother."

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Cassie finally left after she confessed and told me what really happened

 I couldn't find the right words to say to her

So I just said nothing

What more do they want from me? I felt defeated, and in some ways....

...(I hated to admit)....

I felt left out

I mean, they all got to experience something together, and I wasn't a part of that

Even though it was something I NEVER would have wanted to be a part of

I pondered some things in my head, like, "What would I have done if I was in their shoes?" 

Would I have mustered up the courage to say no and walk away?

Or would I have actually given into peer pressure? 

I want to say I would've said no and left, but my mind tells me that probably isn't what would've happened

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All of this chaos because of a boy that Cassie likes

Unbelievable

If I was mad yesterday, then I was furious and outraged today! 

First of all, I awoke this morning for school, got ready and while I was going through my phone to check for messages, I ran across a little text from Stacey saying:

"Go look on facebook. Now."

There, on Cassie, Stacey and Sarah's wall was a picture

No ordinary, cute picture of them

Of course not

It was them at the party, in the back room in dim light, taking turns hitting the bong

Smoke bellowed out of Cassie's mouth as she raised her head and closed her eyes

Sarah had her mouth open wide and was laughing

Stacey was holding her stomach and rolling on the floor in laughter

Meanwhile, I frowned 

Thankfully, I wasn't in the picture, but my best friends were

And whatever they did reflected back on me, so I might as well be in the picture too

But I couldn't even imagine an image with smoke coming out of my mouth

The person who took and tagged them in their picture was no other than the biggest bitch (and pothead) at our school: Shelby

She was one of the bad girls who always wanted us normal girls out

There was a mutual dislike between us, and it's always been that way

She didn't like our nice clothes, or pretty smiles

She was jealous

Besides, she'll probably drop out soon

You can't come to school everyday with a red nose and droopy eyes and expect to pass

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This is the worst day of my life

This is horrible

This is cruel

This is bad

Very, very bad

By the time I went to school, the picture already had over three hundred likes on facebook

Crap.....

Thankfully, it was removed

But it will be forever branded inside our classmate's minds, because as soon as we walk in we're greeted with smirks and knowing looks

Everybody knows, everybody has seen

And since I associate with them, people think I was there with them. So far I've gotten:

"Whoa, Eve, didn't know you did that stuff"

"Was that your first time smoking?" 

 And,

"Feel free to come home with me, baby, I'll smoke you out anytime"

Some of the guys now thought I was easy 

Just because you do drugs, people think you're easy? That's insane

But if I think that I got it worse, it was ten times as bad for my other three companions

I felt bad for them, yes

But this feeling of "you deserve it" popped up a time or two

Later in the day, Shelby decided to pay us a "nice" little visit while we were at our lockers

She had medium length dyed auburn hair with bangs

It was difficult to decipher her eye color, because most of the time her eyes were bloodshot

It wasn't just a rumor that this girl did drugs

It was a fact

She sauntered over to us with a gigantic smirk on her red lips

She was skinny and wore a skimpy black skirt with red fishnet stocking and a tight red top

She looked like a whore on a street corner, yet she didn't mind her appearance one bit

It was too bad she was gorgeous, but in a porn star kind of way 

"Looks like your shell was finally cracked last night, bitches" she said, then turned to me

"It's your turn next, babe. First hits on me!" 

Shelby walked away, laughing her behind off

I would never bow down to her or give in

But in the back of my mind, questions remained unanswered:

What do drugs feel like? 

And which ones can make me fly?

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Sorry for not updating in awhile, but I really need more feedback before I keep going. Please vote/comment. First person to comment will get a dedication (:

Loves,