When The Heart Beats (Completed)

Ch. 17

Ch. 017
Distraction

Ang aga kong nagising kinabukasan dahil  sanay na ang katawan kong bumangon ng maaga. Kaya naman kahit day off ko ay bumangon na ako.

Pupunta na sana ako sa kusina to check out kung ano ang pwede kong pakialaman doon so I could fix us breakfast, nung nakasalubong ko siya.

He was wearing a fitted grey shirt coupled with shorts that I don't know the name of. Basta he looked so damn fine. Dagdag mo pa yung buhok na style woke up like this, laglag na pustiso mo.

"You slept well?" Aniya.

"Ah, oo." I averted my gaze kasi nakakahiyang kung saan saan nakatingin. Sa bandang abdomen, pababa...

Shit. Get a grip, Paige. This is not you! Ano bang nangyayari sayo?

"Hindi ka papasok? O wala kang pasok?" Tanong pa niya.

"Off ko. Ikaw?"

"I filed for a sick leave." Aniya. Huh? Bakit? "Bakit di ka makatingin sakin?"

Shoot, Paige! You're done for!

"M-may sakit ka?" I gathered all my willpower to look at him while I asked. "A-anong sakit mo?"

Natigilan ako nung naglakad siya papunta sakin at nilagay ang palad niya sa noo ko.

"Wala ka namang lagnat, bakit mukha ka pang may sakit sa akin?" Wika niya. Damn. Does it show on my face?! Nakakahiya! Tinampal ko ang kamay niya.

"Kagabi pa masakit ang ulo ko! Wag kang epal!" Pagtataray ko. Wala naman talaga akong iniindang sakit. But if this is my ticket to dodge this kahihiyan, then I'll use it.

"Bakit di mo sinabi? Let's get you checked. Baka dahil 'yan sa palaging nalilipasan ka ng gutom."

Ay wow. Concerned? At grabe makapag conclude?

"Di na, noh. Okay lang ako. Anong masakit sayo? Bakit ka nag file ng sick leave?" Pag-iiba ko sa usapan.

"Nothing. I just wanted a break. Sakto, off mo pala." Aniya. "There's this food park na gusto kong puntahan, it's unique because it serves beer even in broad daylight."

"Ba't di mo puntahan? Tutal wala ka namang pasok." Sabi ko.

"Mag-isa? Where's the fun in that? C'mon Paige. One on one tayo." Anyaya niya.

"Sasamahan kita as my way of saying thank you but I won't drink. Maaga pa oh, wala pa ako sa mood uminom." Sabi ko. "May problema ka ba?"

Nakakapagtaka naman kung bigla nalang mag-aaya ang isang tao na uminom— habang tirik ang araw— kung wala siyang problema.

"Denzel is getting married." He replied. Nagulat ako sa sobrang honest ng sagot niya. Close ba kami?

"Are you still not over her?" Tanong ko. At napa wow ako sa sarili ko for actually having the guts to ask him that.

"Ibabalik ko ang tanong sayo." Aniya. "Are you still not over him?"

Natigilan ako. Are we talking about Ringo here? Bakit naman kailangan idamay ang past ko sa usapan?

Oo nga pala, naungkat 'yun dahil kay Trench. Dammit, ang daldal niya talaga masyado.

"Saan ba 'yang food park na 'yan?" Humalukipkip ako at napangisi naman siya. He knew he won.

It was almost eleven in the morning when we arrived at the food park. We ordered chicken and beer and he couldn't hide his smile of amusement habang hinihintay namin ang order namin.

"Why do you look so amused?" Tanong ko.

"I don't know, Paige. Maybe I'm getting a hint." Aniya.

"Hint saan?"

"Remember when I told you I knew I was wrong? Sabi ko sayo alam kong ako ang mali pero may kinakainis pa rin ako. I'm getting a hint kung bakit."

"At ano naman 'yun?"

"I won't tell you until I figure it out completely." Aniya. Sakto namang dumating ang order namin. Nilapag ito ng ng crew sa mesa sa pagitan namin ni Henry.

Pareho kaming napangiti nung nasilayan ang beer. Wow ah? Ganoon kami ka desperate?

"G na!" Sabi ko pa. To be honest, this is the first time that I drank anything with alcohol since that day Ringo and I broke up.

I resisted the urge to do that because I wanted to convince myself that it was not my loss—it was his— so there's no reason for me to drown myself in alcohol and in despair.

Tinago ko yun sa kalooblooban ko kasi isang strong, independent woman ang tingin ko sa sarili ko.

But this time, parang gustong kumawala ng sakit na tinago ko sa imaginary na kulungan sa puso ko.

"Hey, easy." Saway ni Henry sa akin. Naka dalawang bote na ako in the span of twenty minutes. "Pwede naman sigurong magkwento ka muna at kumain ng manok bago ka lumagok, diba? You're no fun."

"Ang arte mo ah. Inaya mo ako. Deal with it." Irap ko.

"You should have done this sooner kung ganoon mo ito ka-kailangan." Kumento niya. "Kung hindi kaya ng isang gabi, at least man lang maaga mong nasimulan para matancha mo kung ilang inom pa ang kailangan bago umayos ang pakiramdam mo."

"Matatancha mo ba yun? Tss."

"It works that way for me, though." Aniya. "Ewan ko lang sayo."

"So may estimate ka na ba? Kung ilang inom pa bago ka maging okay?" Usisa ko.

"Sa tancha ko isang buwan pa. Pero kung may distraction siguro maliban sa alak, baka one week nalang." Sabi niya. He was on to his third bottle.

Hindi ako nalalasing sa beer. Alam ko ang mga ginagawa ko kahit nakainom ako. Pero tumatapang ako kapag nakainom. Naglelevel up ang angas ko to a certain degree at yun ang favorite kong version ng sarili ko.

The Paige Alexana Guzman who doesn't give a fuck.

"Distraction ba kamo?" Tumawa ako ng mahina saka ko inilapit ang mukha ko sa mukha niya. "Pwede ba ako jan?"

"You're drunk." Aniya.

"No. I know what I'm doing. Pero kung hindi ako pasado bilang distraction sayo," mas inilapit ko pa ang mukha ko sa kaniya. "Distract me instead, Henry. Help me move on in the span of a week."

Hindi siya agad kumibo. Mukhang nahihirapan siyang magdecide kung papatulan niya ang proposal ko.

"Before I answer that, gusto kong malaman ang nangyari sa inyo. I atleast need to know what I'm getting myself into." Aniya.

"Fine." I said. "There's too much to say but the most important thing I guess is that my boyfriend—now my ex—chose his first love over me. Imagine the person you love kissing somebody else behind your back. Wouldn't it rip you apart? Nakakagago."

"How about buying a ring for the girl you want to marry but she ends up marrying somebody else? Wouldn't that rip you apart, too?" He said.

Napainom ako ng beer. Realizations started to sink in.

We are two people with deep wounds we do not show to other people. We have become so damaged and torn apart; we managed to cover the wounds but we were never really healed.

My wish for the both of us is this: as damaged as we are, may we don't fail to recognize true love when it comes, and may we not forget how to respond when it arrives. May we not run away from the right person just because we are afraid to repeat our bad experiences with the wrong one.

May we love again after the pain, the way we appreciate the rainbow after the rain.