Always you, Only you

Chapter 8

Two weeks had passed since their night at Casa de Rae, which now made it a month and a half since all of this had started and things had only gotten worse. Their weekend at Raven's had been awkward, but for the most part fairly pleasant, until Jasper and Clarke got into a screaming match in the kitchen that ended with Jasper telling her that she needed to stop being a self absorbed bitch, swallow her pride and apologize to Lexa. Octavia, being the little shit she is, actually chimed in and agreed.

Clarke was spiraling.

Why couldn't anyone understand that she had tried to make things right? That she had called Lexa dozens of times, texted her and even had tried to catch her at work a handful of times. Lexa obviously didn't want to talk her. Octavia was present for the video call, did she not hear the disdain in Lexa's voice?

Lexa lived a half an hour away and Clarke didn't have a car anymore. Sure, if she really needed to get somewhere that she couldn't walk to, she could get a ride from someone, but how do you ask someone drive you around until you find your best friend because you need to talk to her and she won't pick up the damn phone? All of them had busy lives, that was why they had kept up with their one weekend a month together to begin with. She couldn't ask any of them. She wouldn't. And why should she? She had already tried to bridge the gap, Lexa clearly wasn't interested.

Jasper was right about one thing though, her pride was becoming somewhat of an issue. It was like a constant game of tug of war between her heart and her head. She missed Lexa, she missed her so much, that it was like she couldn't breathe, but she'd tried. She'd tried, damn it and Lexa just wouldn't hear it. What was she supposed to do? Crawl into Trikru and beg on her hands and knees between the the squat station and the leg machine? No. Hell no. Not happening.

"Ugh," Clarke groaned in frustration as she chucked her sketch pad across the room.
"You okay over there?" Octavia asked from the couch.
"I'm fine," Clarke sighed as she rubbed her temples. Her head was throbbing something fierce.
"You're not though," Octavia told her simply. "Not really."
Clarke looked up at her. "You really agree with Jasper?"
"You know I do," Octavia nodded. "Hell, I'm pretty sure that we all do."
"What am I supposed to do?" Clarke scoffed in frustration. "I tried."
"Try harder," Octavia answered.
Clarke shook her head.
"Look, I don't know what's really been said between the two of you, but it's been over a month and it's getting ridiculous." Octavia sounded annoyed as she got up and went to the fridge. "Obviously whatever you were trying to do isn't working because not too much has changed between you and Finn and now everything is shit between you and Lexa. So, try harder You say it's all fucked up, well, fucking fix it already."

Octavia knew that Lexa had only heard Clarke's messages a few weeks ago, but she wasn't about to tell Clarke that. She was actually slightly surprised that Lexa didn't reach out. She really thought that hearing those messages might do it. Though now, she found herself itching to know what the messages said. Was there something in them that actually made it worse?

"You've seen her," Clarke finally said quietly. "How is she?".
"Nope," Octavia shook her head as she dropped back down on to the couch with a pint of ice cream in her hand. "Not discussing Lexa with you. Not like that," she said pointing her spoon at her. "You want to know how Lexa is, you go find out."
Clarke pouted and crossed her arms.

That night Clarke had plans with Finn. The two of them were having dinner together at Polis, one of her favorite restaurants. As they stood waiting to be seated Clarke glanced around and her breath caught in her chest. Lexa was there. She was standing at the bar talking to a man that Clarke could only see from behind. She looked a little different, but no less incredible. God, had she missed her face.