Warning: eating disorders, vomitting
—
Josh stares down at his plate, squeezing his cutlery until his knuckles turn white. A black figure stands behind his chair, holding his arms, whispering violent words into his ears.
Don't eat. Starve yourself, it's what you deserve.
Josh nods to himself, to the man behind him. He had made a mistake, shouldn't have gone out to eat with Tyler. It's too noisy, Josh can barely hear himself think, maybe that's a good thing, though.
Tyler's face is in his bowl full of spaghetti, he eats away at it like a hungry predator, teeth latched onto it's prey.
"Are you going to eat that Josh? Please, can I have it?" Tyler says, grabbing at Josh's plate and shoving the food down his throat. Metal chains are wrapped around his wrists, connecting him to the fork in his hand. He'll eat all of this just to throw it up later, on purpose.
Tyler has his own demons, more than one of them. They surround him and grin devilishly, encouraging him to eat and eat and eat. One of them opens his mouth, the other holding his fork and bringing it to his lips. The other demon squeezes at his stomach, making him shoot up out of his seat. Tyler runs to the restaurant bathroom, his stomach emptying of any food it used to have inside it.
The demons cheer him on, clapping and smiling as he walks back to his seat.
"Tyler? You okay?" Josh asks.
Tyler nods, "You?"
His boyfriend smiles, its fake. Josh's smile is like artificial grass, Tyler thinks. It used to be quite beautiful to stare at, like a bee dancing around a garden bed. Josh was physically and metaphorically tied down by his mental illnesses, they both were. He wonders if there's a way out of all of this, Tyler's hobby is losing hope, he does it for a living.
"We should go home now, yeah?"
—
Tyler lays upside down on the edge of his bed, Josh is looking at him, watching as tears fill his eyes. Music plays quietly, Josh doesn't know if he should try to help Tyler. If this were another one of his friends he would do something; its messed up how we treat different people in different ways.
Josh feels sick, why can't he be enough for anyone around him? His friends must hate him.
"Josh? Josh, I really need you." Tyler says, voice raspy.
Josh swallows, motioning for Tyler to give him a hug. The brunette whimpers, sitting in Josh's lap, wetting his shirt with tears.
"It's okay, Ty."
Josh is uncomfortable, he's never been good at helping people; he can't even help himself.
"What's bothering you, baby?"
Tyler closes his eyes, little hands pulling at Josh's shirt. He feels like the weight of every planet in the solar system is upon his shoulders, gravity pushing him down but making him spin out of control at the same time. Stars don't twinkle in his eyes anymore.
"I don't know." Tyler whispers.
Josh nods nervously, looking around the room. He tries to think of some sort of joke that could lighten the situation, but nothing comes to mind. Tyler clings onto him as they lay together quietly, whispering to one another.
"D-Do you want me to kiss you?" Josh asks. Tyler giggles, Josh pressing his soft lips against Tyler's. The life is being squeezed out of them like they're lemons or something, they're prisoners being held captive in their own bodies.
"We should—we should dance." Tyler says, grabbing Josh's large hand as he gets up off the bed. He smiles, arms wrapped around the older boys shoulders. They sway to the music playing, unable to look each other in the eyes out of nervousness.
"Why did you fall in love with me?" Josh asks.
The brunette shrugs, "I like your personality, the way you smell—is that strange?—the way you act, and you're very pretty."
Josh smiles slightly, the demons in the room squeezing him by the throat.
Tyler lets go of his lovers shoulders, sighing loudly.
