"I wanna get away." Josh whispers. He's expressionless. He feels everything and nothing at the same time, and it doesn't feel nice. Tyler nods, Josh's hands in his, "What do you want to get away from?"
The curly-brunette takes his hands away from Tyler's, bringing his knees to his chest. He's clad in a baggy, red shirt and jeans, but he feels naked; vulnerable. Josh shrugs, not knowing how to word how he feels exactly, he never knows how. People never seem to understand in real life, they understand on the internet though, which Josh thinks is strange. Maybe people are more comfortable about talking about how they feel when they're sitting behind a screen where nobody can see them.
"I-I don't know, Ty. I wanna get away from myself. I don't want to be in my body anymore; I can't explain." Josh sighs, he's uncomfortable. Something Josh has noticed overtime, since meeting Tyler, is that he's taciturn, quiet. He never talks, only sometimes. Joshua is the complete opposite, he talks all of the time, never being able to shut up. Tyler uses his actions and facial expressions to speak, he's not good with social situations.
Tyler is a sweet, gentle boy. The tall teenager has hundreds upon hundreds of dictionary definitions locked away in his mind, and he'd say a certain word out of the blue to describe someone, something or how he feels. The kind boy describes Josh as being ambrosial, Josh doesn't know what that means but Tyler smiles and his cheeks turn blood red when he says this word; he assumes it's a nice word.
The two teenagers are sitting down on the floor of the shower in Josh's bathroom. They're fully clothed and staring into one another's eyes, Josh is looking into Tyler's anyway, Tyler is too nervous to.
"Can you just, like, talk to me? Say something, anything, I want to hear your voice, want you to distract me." Josh says, smiling slightly when Tyler nods, hair falling in front of his face.
"Splendiferous." Tyler blushes, ducking his head. Josh chuckles, "What's that mean?"
Tyler sighs, because Josh is stupid. "It's something that you are, something I think you are." He says, voice cracking in certain places. The choir singing in the back of his throat is soothing and gentle, just like the rest of him.
Josh smiles, "But what does it mean?"
"Magnificent n' very impressive."
Josh scoffs, making Tyler look at him angrily. He should know he's magnificent, it's so completely obvious.
"You are, J. You're magnificent to me." Tyler murmurs. The boys lips twitch into a smile, Tyler is most certainly wrong, but he feels better about himself. Truthfully, Josh is a fuck-up, he's not enough, a mistake; Tyler doesn't seem to think so, he's blind.
Josh has hit Tyler before, it's happened more than once. The younger boy wants to pretend it didn't happen, Josh never stops thinking about the pain he's caused Tyler physically. He's slapped him out of anger more times than he can count; Tyler mistakes him for his father —he'd never tell Josh that.
"We should go get dinner now." Josh says, hearing the sounds of cutlery clinking against plates and happy giggles from his siblings. Tyler nods, a cheerful grin on his face. He throughly enjoys eating with Josh's family, they ask him about his grades, he loves talking about them because he's a straight A student. Josh is the opposite, hates when his mother and father ask him what he got for his latest exam. They'd ridicule him for not getting a better grade.
The two boys get up off of the shower floor, hands interlocking as they make their way to the dining room. Tyler likes sitting at a dinner table, he normally has to sit on the ground at home while his parents sit at the table, they say he's not as important as them and doesn't deserve to sit with them. Josh's parents make him feel loved, at home.
"How was school, boys?" Laura, Josh's mother, grins, getting up from the table and giving Tyler a big hug. Josh smiles slightly at the interaction.
"It was okay, that asshole—"
"Language, Joshua!" Laura scowls, making Tyler giggle. They take a seat at the wooden table, Laura happily serving Tyler his food. He thinks it smells wonderful, looks wonderful, so it must taste wonderful! Tyler beams, looking up at Josh who takes a seat beside him. They hold hands under the table, Tyler kicking his legs back and forth.
"As I was saying, that asshole that bullies Tyler got expelled, he won't be fucking around with him anymore." Josh says. Laura seethes at his fowl language, but is extremely happy for the smaller boy.
"That's great, Tyler."
The brunette shrugs, "Sonder," He says, receiving confused looks from everyone else at the table. Josh tells them not to question Tyler, which upsets him, he wants to be questioned. Sonder was the realisation that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own. His bully had a life too, just as complex as his, maybe his life wasn't very good, so he felt the need to take it out on Tyler. The kind boy forgives him.
"So. . ." Josh's father clears his throat, wondering what to say. Tyler seemed to make things awkward most of the time. Josh rolls his eyes at Bill, grabbing Tyler's knife and fork, helping him cut up his steak when he sees that he's struggling. Tyler taps the plate exactly four times, looking down at his lap. He hums a little tune, Josh holding his fork up to his mouth, feeding him his food.
"I wanna get away." Josh whispers. Again.
—
Tyler is curled up in the passenger seat of Josh's dads care. It's past midnight and Josh is grinning from ear to ear as the wind blows through his hair. Josh is driving down the street, he's fast and he skids along the asphalt. Tyler is pouting though, he just wants to go back to Josh's and cuddle, maybe read a book; but Josh wants adrenaline. Sometimes Josh reminds him of his father. Tyler doesn't like his dad, he hits him because he's a faggot and he's autistic.
The lanky boy sticks his head out of the window, Josh turning the music up, it's loud, Tyler doesn't like it, it's too noisy! He yells, turning the radio right down. Josh has only ever heard Tyler yell a few times.
"Sorry." Joshua sighs, taking Tyler's hand and kissing the back of it. "Stop the car, please." Tyler frowns.
Josh rolls his eyes, pulling over to the side of the road slowly. The smaller boy climbs into Josh's lap, hugging him close. His big hands rub Tyler's back gently, he kisses his forehead, calming him down.
"Yonderly." Tyler says breathily, kissing Josh's cheek four times.
"I don't know what that means but I love you." Joshua's hands make their way to Tyler's wavy, chocolate hair. He twirls the strands around in his fingers.
"I feel sad, Josh."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
