Just Play Along

Fifty Three & Fifty Four

PART FIFTY THREE

'I don’t want to do this,' I signed to Freddy.

'You have to,' he replied, 'You’re being so stupid.'

'Its my choice.'

'We both know that you don't like it though. You want things to be different.'

I frowned at my brother, not pleased with how the day was going. I'd made a decision back in January to end things with Aston. My feelings were mostly irrelevant in that decision. I knew that if I pursued things further I would just end up breaking his heart. When it came down to it, I loved my job. I would never put it on the line for a boy. And I knew Aston would eventually expect me to pick him over my work. But in reality I just couldn’t ever see myself doing that. I could love him with all my heart, but it just wouldn't matter. My job would prevail.

And anyways, I would probably be a horrible girlfriend. I hadn't been in a proper relationship since I was in school, at 16. I didn’t know what was expected of me. I'd probably mess up there too! Why do a job if I wasn't good at it? I had no idea how to be in a relationship!

So that all made my decision easy, end things.

I sat in the kitchen, making a cup of tea while Freddy went searching for my mum throughout our childhood home. A good 15 minutes passed before my mum arrived in the kitchen, my tea mostly gone.

"What is Freddy telling me?" she asked, sitting at the counter opposite me.

"Nothing," I mumbled.

"He said you saw Aston today. That you were mean to him! What's going on?"

"It doesn’t matter."

"He said you didn't want to date him because of your Father and I. What is he talking about?" my mum asked.

"Nothing..."

"Jessica!" my mother warned.

"I just don’t think it's fair to be in a relationship with someone when I can't give them my time," I said, letting the truth slide out of my mouth. "I love my job. Just like you and Dad."

"Like me and Dad?" my Mum asked.

"You two hardly spend any time together," I shrugged, "It's clearly not an ideal relationship."

"Jessica!!" my Mum said shocked. To be fair she did look a little hurt.

"I'm just putting it how it is," I said, "I don’t want to pursue something with anyone because I know I won't be there all the time! I mean I had to bail on my own birthday, but it could just as well have been his birthday, or Christmas, or any oter important day, and I would have done the same thing."

"What does that have to do with me and your Father?"

"How many events have you had to miss for surgeries?" I questioned. "How many family meals did Dad miss when we were growing up because he needed to be in the office for something?"

"I still don't understand what this has to do with you and Aston," my Mum said slowly.

"How can it be a real relationship when you don't spend any time together?" I asked.

"Because we love each other," my Mum said simply. "We can easily forgive each other for missing silly events because we know, at the end of the day, we've got each other. You're father is the love of my life! I moved from Portugal for him!"

"But..."

"Jess, love doesn't have anything to do with being together all of the time. I would rather spend one day a year with your Father than be with anyone else. Even if they are there every day. It's got to do with a deeper connection than that."