Just Play Along

Thirty-Five & Thirty-Six

PART THIRTY FIVE

The Christmas season soon descended on us and I found myself in some weird comfortable routine with Aston. We’d see each other once a week, mostly for holiday charity meals, and avoid chatting about anything real. It seemed to work as we were approaching four months of this whole game, no major blowouts had happened and while things had been awkward for a bit they'd certainly settled down.

Christmas Day came along and I was sat in my comfiest jumper and some leggings with a hot cup of coffee on the deck at my nan’s, my brother Freddy sitting across from me as we signed away to each other. We were in Portugal for a few days of family time, at the seaside resort that my grandparents owned and operated. It wasn’t anything fancy, by any means, but it was cozy and it always relaxed me to come here.

‘What are you doing for New Year’s?’ Freddy asked me.

‘I don’t know. Aston invited me to Dubai,’ I signed, spelling out the letters to Dubai slowly.

‘Fancy.’

‘I don’t know why he invited me.’

‘He’s your boyfriend.’

‘I guess,’ I responded.

‘You don’t like him?’ Freddy asked, ‘You seem happy whenever I see you two together.’

‘It’s complicated,’ I signed.

‘It always is with you!’ Freddy replied, grinning widely at me.

I gave him a shocked look and leant forward to smack him hard on the arm, ‘Quit being a big brother.’

‘It’s my job,’ Freddy responded, ‘You should go on holiday.’

‘I have work.’

‘When was the last time you went away somewhere to relax?’ he asked me.

‘Now?’ I smirked.

‘Family holidays don’t count.’

I shrugged dramatically. To be honest I couldn’t think of the last time that I’d been away on a holiday. Marnie and I were always talking about going somewhere but then something would come up at work and I’d get sidetracked. We went to Ibiza when I was in uni, but that was back when I was 19. At 25 years old, nearly 26, it had certainly been a long time.

‘Go,’ Freddy said, ‘Seriously.'

I stared at him for a minute. He was giving me this sad smile that indicated he knew I needed a break from my life for a few days. It was too bad that he had no idea about the reality of my situation with Aston. I hated lying to my family, but it would just be awkward if they knew the truth. And honestly, the only real hesitation, other than work, that I had about going to Dubai was that I didn’t want Aston to think it was some romantic holiday. After everything that happened between us things had finally settled down and we were past that awkwardness after having slept together. I didn’t want things to fall back to how they were or we were going to have to end this whole thing. I still stood by my decision... I didn't want a relationship with anyone. Ever.

‘Fine,’ I signed to Freddy, ‘I’ll go.’

‘Good,’ he replied, smiling. ‘You won’t regret it.’

We’ll see about that, I thought to myself. I just needed to make sure that things were abundantly clear going into this whole thing. 

After a lush Christmas meal made by my nan and aunt, I went to give Aston a call to tell him I’d come. I was going to wait until after the holiday, but I just needed to get it out there before I changed my mind.